Heard Over the Rock Wall

Ashagre LOVES to go the park – any park with a playground – so long as there is an opportunity to make friends and, most importantly, engage in a game of tag. At this point, his sole reason for visiting the park is to find a group of kids to play tag with. Boys, girls, younger, older, it doesn’t matter, so long as they know the rules of a simple game of tag-your-it. On days when we go to the park and find it devoid of other chase-loving kids Ashagre is ready to move on in minutes. Yep, our genuinely shy and easily embarrassed little man is also quite socially adept – at his pace and on his terms. It is so much fun to watch him develop and start to express his sense of self among others.

This Monday we were at the “blue” park – a family favorite just up the road with towering pine trees, wide open spaces, some nice hiking trails, and a pretty great play structure, when I got to witness the following interaction.

We had been at the blue park for probably about 20 minutes. Elsa and Ashagre had started their own game of tag and a little boy, Adam, who was probably 3 or 4 joined in. The kids were welcoming and allowed him to play right along with them despite the fact that he ran slower and didn’t totally understand the game. Finally it was time for Adam to go. Elsa’s interest in tag was waning and Ashagre was getting restless. It was a gorgeous day, and I was hoping to stretch out our time at the park a little bit longer. Just as Ashagre was starting to whine a bit about being finished with the park, a boy about Ashagre’s age, dressed from head to toe in his Boy Scout uniform, began to approach the playground. Ashagre and I spotted him at the same time, and I think, had the same thought. Maybe he’ll play chase with you (me). 

Ashagre instantly ran closer to the boy and faced him, peeking over the rock wall surrounding the play structure with a huge, inviting grin on his face. I couldn’t hear, but I am pretty sure he asked him his name or asked him if he wanted to play chase. The boy didn’t respond although he didn’t entirely blow Ashagre off either. They continued to walk side by side on parallel sides of the rock wall toward the play structure. Ashagre’s face never once lost its warm, playful grin. The little boy was apprehensive. Ashagre bobbed along, occasionally popping his head over the rock wall to invite the boy to play with him. The boy looked a little scared. He walked away. He came back. Ashagre was steadfast in his efforts to encourage the little boy to play with him. The little boy gave Ashagre an exasperated look and walked away for good. Confused, but not beaten, Ashagre ran back to me as another mom at the park called out, “some boys just aren’t as nice as you," to Ashagre.

I instantly complimented Ashagre on his warm and confident attempts to befriend the boy. He broke it down for me.

“Do you know why I think he didn’t want to be my friend? (My adoptive momma mind starts racing, prepping myself for a line of reasoning involving Ashagre’s beautiful brown skin…). I think he was scared. Some kids just don’t know how to make friends and they get scared. Making friends is easy. All you have to do is say hi and play with someone.” 

My heat melted. It melted or my little boy that was known as a wallflower and a “fighter” at his orphanage. For my little boy who is really neither of those things when he feels safe and whose heart is truly golden. For my little boy who is becoming comfortable and confident enough to let the world know it.