Funny, after I posted the anecdotal information about the level of nurturing Ethiopian orphans seem to receive despite their orphan status, we received a packet with information on bringing home your ET kids with an article entitled, "Some Observations Regarding Ethiopian Placements." Here's a snipit of what it had to say:
"...most of them [orphans from AAI's program] had some experience with a loving, non-abusive birth family...Children coming from Ethiopia appear, as a group, to be much more intellectually and psychologically intact than children of the same age group coming from other environments."
Of course, they have the same disclaimer I had in my earlier post regarding lack of scientific studies, but at least they have years of experience with ET kids. (Oh, and if you're thinking, "Of course they'd say that, they want you to pay them money to bring these kids home," this packet is for parents that have already paid them a decent amount of money and committed to the ET program. It is meant to be a "what to expect" packet of info.)
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
FAQs (Warning Long Post)
Weren't you guys trying to buy a house? What happened with that?
Yes, we were trying to buy a house for several months. The short answer is that we have decided to put that dream on hold for the time being and pursue the dream of adoption instead. The longer explanation is a bit more complex.
Having kids and buying a house have been two equally important goals for us for at least the past year. We chose the housing route first because it seemed like a good time to buy and the Federal first-time-homebuyer's tax credit added extra incentive. While we did not need the extra tax money to buy a house, it would have provided us with a good chunk of money in the bank post-homebuying to quickly work toward our other goal - adoption. It turned out that the low end housing market in Ventura was EXTREMELY competitive. Houses literally would sell within the first 48 hours of being listed on the MLS, and for much more money than the listing price. In the last (4th or 5th) house we put an offer on, we offered $24,000 over the asking price and still did not get it. Basically, their are plenty of people in southern California that still have money to spend and they are buying up the low-end housing with cash and beating out the first time homebuyers that must rely on mortgages. If we would have kept trying would we have got something? Yes, probably, but when the homebuying tax credit expired we decided to use our money to pursue our other equally important goal of adoption instead. You might not know, but there is also a Federal adoption tax credit (currently a little over $13,000). If all goes as we hope and we are able to pay for the entire adoption up front (rather than putting the last bit that we don't have saved yet on credit), we will be able to use the adoption tax credit as seed money for a down payment on a house. In the meantime, we love our rental house. It is cute (see picture at the top of our blog), cozy, and in a much better neighborhood than anything we could afford to buy in.
Why do you want to adopt?
Adoption was something Brent and I always had in the back of our minds as an option for building our family. I am not sure when Brent was exposed to it or began thinking about it, but it was before we met. For me, I grew up with a social worker for a father, and had many kids that needed homes stay with our family for varying lengths of time. It just seemed logical to me that there are millions of kids out in the world that need a family and that I could provide that for a few of them.
Brent and I specifically decided that we would build our family through international adoption during our travels in southeast Asia. Throughout the countries we visited, we inevitably befriended street kids along the way. We played with them, gave them fruit, and were inspired by their intelligence and optimism. One kid in particular really drove the idea home though. We met Poi Lee in a beach town in southern Cambodia. He latched on to me the first day we arrived in the seedy, burgeoning tourist destination. I was sitting on the beach and the kids were crawling all over me - wanting their picture taken, wanting to sell us something, wanting to paint my toenails. Soon after arriving and settling in I felt a tug at my shirt sleeve and looked to my right to see a little boy huddled close to my side. He whispered in my ear, "Be careful miss. Those boys steal." The next few days, shortly after we would show up at the beach this one shy, quiet little boy would appear. He never got super close and he definitely didn't mob us with the rest of the kids, but he always kept watch over us. On our last night in this town after a day of sightseeing on the back of a motor bike, he army crawled through the sand up to where we were having dinner to ambush us with a big grin on his face. The rest of the kids weren't around and he had the chance to hang out with us on his own. We offered to buy him some dinner or share our food with him. He adamantly refused. I thought I had seen him in a school yard earlier, so I asked him if he was at school earlier in the day. That's when we learned his story. He was 10 years old. He didn't attend school. His mother was dead. His father lived in a town 25 km to the east and "fights with him (gestured being hit in the face)". He ran away and was now living on the beach. He slept in the sand and collected bottles to survive. He just wanted to be close to us and hang out. He refused any money or food we offered him. Needless to say, when we finally went to bed that night, we didn't get much sleep. Both Brent and I stayed up most of the night thinking, "if (s)he says something, we'll see if we can adopt him." I envisioned bringing him to Idaho, teaching him English, introducing him to the snow... We really didn't have much money (just what we were traveling with) and no secure jobs (we were still working seasonally on Catalina), but we both knew that we had a lot of love and support to give to this sweet little boy. Ultimately, neither of us said anything that night to the other person and we moved on to the next town. Days later, we learned that the same thoughts had been rushing through our heads that night. Now, at that point, we knew nothing about international adoption, except that Angelina Jolie had brought home a Cambodian orphan when she was in the country a few years earlier filming Tomb Raider. It turns out that, unless your are Angelina, Americans cannot currently adopt from Cambodia. We have never forgotten Poi Lee though and vowed to adopt someday when we were more ready to be parents. I guess that time is now.
Don't you want to have kids of your own?
Yes. Brent and I have always envisioned having one kid of our own and two adopted children. The order in which we brought the kids into our family was something we debated (and changed our mind on) a lot. Ultimately, we decided to adopt first because we didn't want our adopted children to feel like Plan B. (Note, I do not judge others that choose to adopt after having their own kids; this is just the way we chose to frame it for our family). We also want to give them our undivided attention and love, since they will have suffered from some degree of loss (otherwise they wouldn't be up for adoption) and likely some degree of neglect as well.
Why international adoption vs. domestic adoption?
See the story of Poi Lee above.
Also, whether founded in fact or not, the domestic adoption system scares me a bit. There are those stories of parents raising an adopted child for several years and then having to give them back to their biological parents. I couldn't do that. It would destroy me.
Additionally, there is a high demand for healthy adoptable infants and young children in the domestic system. Those kids find good homes. In Ethiopia there are MANY more adoptable children than the international adoption system can find homes for. Young, healthy children are still in higher demand than older children, but there are an estimated 4-6 million orphans in Ethiopia total. As individuals, we can't solve the problems that lead to so many orphans in Ethiopia (primarily poverty and loss of parents due to HIV/AIDS), but we can provide a loving, stable family for a couple of kids.
Why Ethiopia?
See statistics above.
Read Melissa Fay Greene's There is No Me Without You.
Otherwise, the answer to this question is really just gut feeling. We know somehow that our kids are in Ethiopia.
I guess a final answer to this question is that, despite widespread poverty, Ethiopians have a loving, nurturing culture. While many kids that enter orphanages in ET are malnourished, they often came from a family that did the best with what they had and loved their kids. ET kids seem to have less instances of the psychological disorders that are sometimes found in kids adopted from eastern European countries where orphanages are more institutionalized and the kids receive less nurturing care. (Disclaimer: this is more of an anecdotal statement that one based on facts; do your own research and trust your own gut if you are trying to decide on a country to adopt from).
Two kids at once, really? Won't that be crazy?
Yes. Sometimes this one gives me enough anxiety to make it hard to sleep at night, but we are convinced that this is the way to we want to do it. We would like our adopted kids to be able to support each other through shared experience. We like the fact that they will look like each other (rather than being the sole Ethiopian in our family and one of a small handful in our community). We hope to adopt siblings so they also share a family history, although this might not be the way it works out.
At least we are going from 0 to 2. We won't know the difference of how easy it was to just have one. Like everything we do, we'll just jump right in and give it our all. Ultimately, we think it will be for the best in the long run.
Isn't adoption super expensive?
Yes. We estimate that, when all is said and done, we will have spent around $29,000 to bring our kids home.
Yes, this seems ridiculous when you consider the fact that we are providing a home to children that don't have one. Here is a quick breakdown of some of the costs so you can understand where some of that money goes.
The fact is that international adoption, or adoption in general, exists because of some sad and thoroughly unfair realities of our global world. It sucks that it has to exist at all, and Brent and I could donate the money we will spend on this adoption to try and fix those realities. But those are some BIG problems, that will take more than our money to solve or even the money of all the families that will adopt internationally this year. It will take a paradigm shift of the world's priorities and values - human health and dignity to be more valued than consumption and profit making. In the meantime, we know we can make a difference in the lives of a couple of kids that have found themselves in a less than optimal situation as the result of these big world problems. This is a topic that I think about a lot. I would love to hear your comments and thoughts. Maybe we can address is more specifically in another post...
How are you guys going to deal with childcare?
This one is still up in the air and will probably be until we know how old our kids will be. We have some ideas though. First, I will stay home with them for the first 3 months under the Federal Family Medical Leave Act. I am saving all of my vacation time so it should be paid, depending on how long the adoption takes. Once I have to go back to work, we think we might be able to arrange our work schedules so that the kids will only need childcare 3 days a week. Regardless of the number of days needed, we will find a childcare provider that only cares for a few kids (likely in their home), as our kids will need extra nurturing and attention that they won't be able to get at even the best run daycare. Brent and I both have co-workers who's wives care for children out of their homes that could be good options.
We are also still trying to convince my parents that California isn't such a bad place to live and that taking care of their grandchildren would be a reward worth the hassle of the move. Feel free to send them words of encouragement :)
Will the kids speak English?
Probably not. They might pick up a little bit depending on the orphanage they are in and how long they are there. However, the age kids we would like to adopt learn English VERY quickly. Most adoptive parents will tell you that this really isn't something to worry about. Things other than language will be more difficult.
Will the kids be healthy?
By third world standards, yes. Sadly, adoptable orphans are usually survivors. Less healthy kids don't make it in ET. The kids will be tested for HIV, hepatitis, and tuberculosis. They will have likely suffered from at least mild malnourishment at some point in their lives. They will likely have parasites. They will likely be small by American charts (ET growth charts are different than American growth charts, as Ethiopians are smaller in general), and small in general due to lack of optimal care early in their lives. They will likely be delayed developmentally. However, most adopted kids make HUGE gains once they come home to proper nutrition and a nurturing environment. They will likely show some signs of attachment issues. We are currently taking all kinds of adoptive parenting online course (required to adopt and we are taking extras) and reading lots of books so that we can be prepared to help them make as many gains as possible. This means that we may end up parenting our kids somewhat differently than many kids are parented in the US, but that is a topic for another post because this one is already way too long.
Any other questions you might have?
Ask away. I hope this blog can be an open forum for discussing adoption in general and our specific adoption. Don't worry about whether or not your question is appropriate or not. Many people are curious about adoption and don't have a good place to ask questions and learn more. Plus, if you understand what we are doing and where we are coming from you can also help support us and and our kids and MAYBE even consider adoption for your family someday...
Yes, we were trying to buy a house for several months. The short answer is that we have decided to put that dream on hold for the time being and pursue the dream of adoption instead. The longer explanation is a bit more complex.
Having kids and buying a house have been two equally important goals for us for at least the past year. We chose the housing route first because it seemed like a good time to buy and the Federal first-time-homebuyer's tax credit added extra incentive. While we did not need the extra tax money to buy a house, it would have provided us with a good chunk of money in the bank post-homebuying to quickly work toward our other goal - adoption. It turned out that the low end housing market in Ventura was EXTREMELY competitive. Houses literally would sell within the first 48 hours of being listed on the MLS, and for much more money than the listing price. In the last (4th or 5th) house we put an offer on, we offered $24,000 over the asking price and still did not get it. Basically, their are plenty of people in southern California that still have money to spend and they are buying up the low-end housing with cash and beating out the first time homebuyers that must rely on mortgages. If we would have kept trying would we have got something? Yes, probably, but when the homebuying tax credit expired we decided to use our money to pursue our other equally important goal of adoption instead. You might not know, but there is also a Federal adoption tax credit (currently a little over $13,000). If all goes as we hope and we are able to pay for the entire adoption up front (rather than putting the last bit that we don't have saved yet on credit), we will be able to use the adoption tax credit as seed money for a down payment on a house. In the meantime, we love our rental house. It is cute (see picture at the top of our blog), cozy, and in a much better neighborhood than anything we could afford to buy in.
Why do you want to adopt?
Adoption was something Brent and I always had in the back of our minds as an option for building our family. I am not sure when Brent was exposed to it or began thinking about it, but it was before we met. For me, I grew up with a social worker for a father, and had many kids that needed homes stay with our family for varying lengths of time. It just seemed logical to me that there are millions of kids out in the world that need a family and that I could provide that for a few of them.
Brent and I specifically decided that we would build our family through international adoption during our travels in southeast Asia. Throughout the countries we visited, we inevitably befriended street kids along the way. We played with them, gave them fruit, and were inspired by their intelligence and optimism. One kid in particular really drove the idea home though. We met Poi Lee in a beach town in southern Cambodia. He latched on to me the first day we arrived in the seedy, burgeoning tourist destination. I was sitting on the beach and the kids were crawling all over me - wanting their picture taken, wanting to sell us something, wanting to paint my toenails. Soon after arriving and settling in I felt a tug at my shirt sleeve and looked to my right to see a little boy huddled close to my side. He whispered in my ear, "Be careful miss. Those boys steal." The next few days, shortly after we would show up at the beach this one shy, quiet little boy would appear. He never got super close and he definitely didn't mob us with the rest of the kids, but he always kept watch over us. On our last night in this town after a day of sightseeing on the back of a motor bike, he army crawled through the sand up to where we were having dinner to ambush us with a big grin on his face. The rest of the kids weren't around and he had the chance to hang out with us on his own. We offered to buy him some dinner or share our food with him. He adamantly refused. I thought I had seen him in a school yard earlier, so I asked him if he was at school earlier in the day. That's when we learned his story. He was 10 years old. He didn't attend school. His mother was dead. His father lived in a town 25 km to the east and "fights with him (gestured being hit in the face)". He ran away and was now living on the beach. He slept in the sand and collected bottles to survive. He just wanted to be close to us and hang out. He refused any money or food we offered him. Needless to say, when we finally went to bed that night, we didn't get much sleep. Both Brent and I stayed up most of the night thinking, "if (s)he says something, we'll see if we can adopt him." I envisioned bringing him to Idaho, teaching him English, introducing him to the snow... We really didn't have much money (just what we were traveling with) and no secure jobs (we were still working seasonally on Catalina), but we both knew that we had a lot of love and support to give to this sweet little boy. Ultimately, neither of us said anything that night to the other person and we moved on to the next town. Days later, we learned that the same thoughts had been rushing through our heads that night. Now, at that point, we knew nothing about international adoption, except that Angelina Jolie had brought home a Cambodian orphan when she was in the country a few years earlier filming Tomb Raider. It turns out that, unless your are Angelina, Americans cannot currently adopt from Cambodia. We have never forgotten Poi Lee though and vowed to adopt someday when we were more ready to be parents. I guess that time is now.
Don't you want to have kids of your own?
Yes. Brent and I have always envisioned having one kid of our own and two adopted children. The order in which we brought the kids into our family was something we debated (and changed our mind on) a lot. Ultimately, we decided to adopt first because we didn't want our adopted children to feel like Plan B. (Note, I do not judge others that choose to adopt after having their own kids; this is just the way we chose to frame it for our family). We also want to give them our undivided attention and love, since they will have suffered from some degree of loss (otherwise they wouldn't be up for adoption) and likely some degree of neglect as well.
Why international adoption vs. domestic adoption?
See the story of Poi Lee above.
Also, whether founded in fact or not, the domestic adoption system scares me a bit. There are those stories of parents raising an adopted child for several years and then having to give them back to their biological parents. I couldn't do that. It would destroy me.
Additionally, there is a high demand for healthy adoptable infants and young children in the domestic system. Those kids find good homes. In Ethiopia there are MANY more adoptable children than the international adoption system can find homes for. Young, healthy children are still in higher demand than older children, but there are an estimated 4-6 million orphans in Ethiopia total. As individuals, we can't solve the problems that lead to so many orphans in Ethiopia (primarily poverty and loss of parents due to HIV/AIDS), but we can provide a loving, stable family for a couple of kids.
Why Ethiopia?
See statistics above.
Read Melissa Fay Greene's There is No Me Without You.
Otherwise, the answer to this question is really just gut feeling. We know somehow that our kids are in Ethiopia.
I guess a final answer to this question is that, despite widespread poverty, Ethiopians have a loving, nurturing culture. While many kids that enter orphanages in ET are malnourished, they often came from a family that did the best with what they had and loved their kids. ET kids seem to have less instances of the psychological disorders that are sometimes found in kids adopted from eastern European countries where orphanages are more institutionalized and the kids receive less nurturing care. (Disclaimer: this is more of an anecdotal statement that one based on facts; do your own research and trust your own gut if you are trying to decide on a country to adopt from).
Two kids at once, really? Won't that be crazy?
Yes. Sometimes this one gives me enough anxiety to make it hard to sleep at night, but we are convinced that this is the way to we want to do it. We would like our adopted kids to be able to support each other through shared experience. We like the fact that they will look like each other (rather than being the sole Ethiopian in our family and one of a small handful in our community). We hope to adopt siblings so they also share a family history, although this might not be the way it works out.
At least we are going from 0 to 2. We won't know the difference of how easy it was to just have one. Like everything we do, we'll just jump right in and give it our all. Ultimately, we think it will be for the best in the long run.
Isn't adoption super expensive?
Yes. We estimate that, when all is said and done, we will have spent around $29,000 to bring our kids home.
Yes, this seems ridiculous when you consider the fact that we are providing a home to children that don't have one. Here is a quick breakdown of some of the costs so you can understand where some of that money goes.
- Travel/airfare (2 trips to ET): approximately $10,000
- Homestudy/post placement social worker reports: $4,000
- Placement Agency Fee (for facilitating the adoption): $2,400
- International Fee (paid to Ethiopia for visas, lawyers, processing, care of existing orphans): $11,000
- Miscellaneous fees for fingerprints, governmental forms, etc.
The fact is that international adoption, or adoption in general, exists because of some sad and thoroughly unfair realities of our global world. It sucks that it has to exist at all, and Brent and I could donate the money we will spend on this adoption to try and fix those realities. But those are some BIG problems, that will take more than our money to solve or even the money of all the families that will adopt internationally this year. It will take a paradigm shift of the world's priorities and values - human health and dignity to be more valued than consumption and profit making. In the meantime, we know we can make a difference in the lives of a couple of kids that have found themselves in a less than optimal situation as the result of these big world problems. This is a topic that I think about a lot. I would love to hear your comments and thoughts. Maybe we can address is more specifically in another post...
How are you guys going to deal with childcare?
This one is still up in the air and will probably be until we know how old our kids will be. We have some ideas though. First, I will stay home with them for the first 3 months under the Federal Family Medical Leave Act. I am saving all of my vacation time so it should be paid, depending on how long the adoption takes. Once I have to go back to work, we think we might be able to arrange our work schedules so that the kids will only need childcare 3 days a week. Regardless of the number of days needed, we will find a childcare provider that only cares for a few kids (likely in their home), as our kids will need extra nurturing and attention that they won't be able to get at even the best run daycare. Brent and I both have co-workers who's wives care for children out of their homes that could be good options.
We are also still trying to convince my parents that California isn't such a bad place to live and that taking care of their grandchildren would be a reward worth the hassle of the move. Feel free to send them words of encouragement :)
Will the kids speak English?
Probably not. They might pick up a little bit depending on the orphanage they are in and how long they are there. However, the age kids we would like to adopt learn English VERY quickly. Most adoptive parents will tell you that this really isn't something to worry about. Things other than language will be more difficult.
Will the kids be healthy?
By third world standards, yes. Sadly, adoptable orphans are usually survivors. Less healthy kids don't make it in ET. The kids will be tested for HIV, hepatitis, and tuberculosis. They will have likely suffered from at least mild malnourishment at some point in their lives. They will likely have parasites. They will likely be small by American charts (ET growth charts are different than American growth charts, as Ethiopians are smaller in general), and small in general due to lack of optimal care early in their lives. They will likely be delayed developmentally. However, most adopted kids make HUGE gains once they come home to proper nutrition and a nurturing environment. They will likely show some signs of attachment issues. We are currently taking all kinds of adoptive parenting online course (required to adopt and we are taking extras) and reading lots of books so that we can be prepared to help them make as many gains as possible. This means that we may end up parenting our kids somewhat differently than many kids are parented in the US, but that is a topic for another post because this one is already way too long.
Any other questions you might have?
Ask away. I hope this blog can be an open forum for discussing adoption in general and our specific adoption. Don't worry about whether or not your question is appropriate or not. Many people are curious about adoption and don't have a good place to ask questions and learn more. Plus, if you understand what we are doing and where we are coming from you can also help support us and and our kids and MAYBE even consider adoption for your family someday...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Adoption Process
To those that have not experienced it, the international adoption process can be a bit mind boggling. (As someone experiencing it first hand for the first time, it is completely mind boggling). With that said, there ARE some basic steps to the process that everyone must complete in order to bring their kids home. Here is a brief overview with estimated time frames and key words included so you understand what we are talking about as we provide updates. This process is specifically geared toward Ethiopia and may vary for other countries.
- Application to an Adoption Agency, 2 weeks (Completed): At this point you do quite a bit of research to determine which agency seems to be the best fit for your family. Some families pick an agency first and then pick a country from those that their agency offers programs in. Brent and I chose Ethiopia first and then chose Adoption Advocates International based on the amount of experience they had in facilitating Ethiopian adoptions and their seemingly ethical approach (among other things).
- Home Study, 4-8 weeks (in process): The home study is where you work with a social worker to gain your State's approval to adopt. Your home study is basically an assessment that considers your family, home, parenting experience and/or plans, and children desired to ensure that you are a good candidate for adoption. We are in the midst of this process right now. It is a bit intimidating, as it feels as if someone that you don't know is judging to see whether or not you are fit to be parents (something that definitely doesn't happen if you build your family through natural childbirth). It is also a time to work with a professional social worker with experience in facilitating adoptions, so it is a great opportunity to ask questions and really begin to formulate your parenting plans.
- Immigration Approval, ongoing throughout adoption process (in process): At this stage, you are applying to the Federal Government (US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)) for permission to adopt and bring home a foreign born child. Once your home study is complete, it is sent to USCIS, along with some forms. You are then invited to be fingerprinted. This process is considered complete once you receive your I-171H Approval Letter; however, it comes up again when you apply for your child's visa and also when you readopt them back in the US.
- Dossier, 4-10 weeks (in process): The dossier is a collection of documents required for the Ethiopian Court to process your adoption. Everything has to be notarized and authenticated by both the State Department and the Ethiopian Embassy, which means it is SUPER fun to prepare.
- Wait List, varies, maybe 6-12 months: Once your authenticated dossier has been sent to Ethiopia you are added to the wait list. Basically, families are referred children on a "first come, first served" basis. We would basically be competing (if you want to look at it that way - not really my take - but a good word for explanatory purposes) against other families that are hoping to add similar kids to their families. Wait list times can vary greatly, with gender of the child, age, number of siblings, and health status being the primary factors. I think this will probably be the hardest part, because all of the work (paperwork) will be done, and we will truly just be waiting to find out who our kids are. Since we are open to either gender and a fairly wide age range, we really won't even be able to prep for the kids' homecoming until after we receive our referral. We can, however, read up on attaching and other important parenting considerations for adopted children.
- Referral & Acceptance, quick once you get the referral: This is where you learn about your kids for the first time. You will likely see a couple of photos, get a very basic health report, and maybe a short video. You have a pretty short time line to decide whether or not to accept a referral. Warning: we will not be able to post pictures of our kids on the blog at this time, as the Ethiopian Government does not allow it until they are offically ours, which happens in the next stage: court. We can email them to you though! Once we officially accept our referral we can start communicating with our kids through pictures, letters, and a "welcome bag."
- Court, average 4-10 weeks after referral: This part of the process was just changed. We will now fly to Ethiopia to appear in court. From what I understand, the court process will have 2 parts. First, the child will have to be legally deemed an orphan. At this time, any surving family members are asked to come to court and reliquish the children. Ethiopia must do due diligence to make sure the child is truly an orphan before allowing us to adopt him/her. For obvious reasons, this can take a little while, and some families have several court dates before this part of the process is completed. In the second part of court, we fly to Ethiopia to meet the kids and become their legal guardians. We do not get to bring the kids home during this trip. We were originally bummed about the new 2 trip requirement since it will add significant cost to the adoption process; however, this will give us the opportunity to learn more about Ethiopia without having to be too stressed about being first time parents yet. At this point we will not be able to take our kids from the orphanage, instead we will only be able to visit for a few hours each day, giving us time to sight see and take in our kids' native country.
- Visa Approval & Travel Home, 3-6 weeks after court: This is when we get to travel to bring our kids home! I think we will have to stay in Ethiopia for a couple of days while we wait for their visa to be approved, giving us an opportunity to learn more about the country (of course Brent and I are excited about this!). At this time, we will have custody of the kids, so we will also probably be freaking out about being parents (at least a little bit).
As you can see, it is a long and complicated process with lots of opportunities for bumps along the road. I will definitely be learning the art of patience. You can also probably imagine that there will be potentially long stretches of time when we won't have much of anything in the way of adoption-related updates to share, but hopefully we can use those times as opportunities to get ready for our kiddos and keep you updated on some of our other pursuits.
Welcome!
"Family Photo" sent to our Adoption Agency (Buster wasn't cooperating).Welcome to our adoption blog! I have to admit that it is kind of weird to have typed that last sentence. Those of you that know me well (Dakota – likely the primary author of this blog, although I hope to entice Brent to make a few cameo appearances), know that I LOVE to research things that I am interested in and will spend countless hours on any one topic if I feel there is still more to be learned. Ever since Brent and I travelled to Southeast Asia (more about this influence in a later post), I have wanted to explore growing our family through international adoption. A few years ago, as a late night distraction from a grad school assignment of some sort, I discovered adoption blogs. I have been casually, and then religiously, reading them ever since. You can’t beat first hand accounts of the adoption process from SO MANY different points of view in terms of really trying to learn and envision what it might be like if Brent and I chose to go there. While I have read countless blogs, I did not necessarily see myself as the blogging type; however, now that we are up to our eyeballs in adoption paperwork and many of you have expressed interest in wanting to be kept up to date on how things are going, I have decided to give it a try.
Here I must add a caveat – I have never been good at journaling. I have bought many a pretty journal, wrote one entry, and then either left the journal to grow dusty on a shelf or used its pages for TO DO lists (those of you that know me well know that I can burn through some journal pages pretty quickly with lists). I WILL DO MY BEST TO KEEP THE BLOG UP DURING OUR ADOPTION PROCESS. Feel free to send friendly words of encouragement if you feel the blog is being neglected – it might just be the motivation I need to keep it going.
While I hope this blog will be an interesting way for all of you to share in our journey to grow our family through international adoption, I also hope that it may be a place to chronicle the beginning chapter of our kid(s) life with us. Obviously, there will be chapters that precede life with Daddy Brent and Mommy Dakota (typing that was even weirder than the first time I used the phrase “my husband.” I wonder what our kids will really call us?), I would like to keep record of the steps, choices, coincidences, thoughts and feelings that eventually bring us together as a family, so that we can share those details with our kids as they grow and develop their identity as Ethiopian-Americans.
Note: I will probably go back and forth using kid, kid(s), and kids when talking about the kids we hope to adopt. As of now, we are applying to adopt 2 kids under the age of 6 years old (no gender preference); however, adoption is a very dynamic process and what we envision now might not necessarily be what turns out when all is said and done. So, I’ll probably just use whatever version of the word comes to mind first for now.
A final note about the title of our blog. I had a hard time coming up with a title – I couldn’t think of anything for a long time until Brent and I (and Chris and Laurie) went to an Avett Brothers concert last month. For most of the show, there was a guy standing not too far back and to the right of us that would yell out “Perfect Space” between every song performed. He REALLY wanted to hear this particular song. Finally, a little over half way through the show, he yelled it again (each time loud and clear) and Scott Avett responded with a, “That sounds like a good idea,” right before breaking into the song. The entire show was pretty phenomenal, but “Perfect Space” left a lasting impression. I played it on repeat for several days afterwards (as did Brent), and during one of those times noticed that a few of the lyrics spelled out pretty clearly the space Brent and I hope to create as we begin to look beyond ourselves and bring others into our family. Check out the lyrics at the top of the blog. I’ll try to add the actual song when I get better at this blogging thing.
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