Addis Ababa, November 9th - 13th: Meeting Our Kids

Today I received a very special email.  In that email were pictures of Brent and I meeting Ashagre for the first time.  Our son, groggy from his recently ended nap, squinting in the bright Ethiopian sun, standing before us waiting to be picked up and hugged for the first time.  Seeing the pictures caused a flood of emotions.  There was so much anticipation leading up to that moment.  We had been waiting so long to meet him, to touch him, to smell him, to hug him, to hold him.  Finally, with little ceremony, that moment had arrived.  It was perfect.

Our beautiful boy once he woke up and had a chance to get
used to his new mom and dad.

We arrived in Addis around 11 a.m. on Tuesday, November 9th.  After getting our visas, gathering our luggage, and exchanging some money, we found the shuttle bus driver that would take us to our home in Addis - The King's Hotel.

The view from our window at the King's.

Another picture from our deck at King's.  The new African Union
building is being constructed in the upper left-hand corner.

The hotel was walking distance from the AAI office and Ashagre's orphanage, Layla House, so as soon as we dropped off our bags and took a breath we went downstairs to call Gail, AAI's Adoption Coordinator.  She told us how to walk to the orphanage from King's, and we were off, navigating Addis's diesel smoke-choked roads in search of our son.  When we arrived at AAI, we learned that Ashagre was napping and that we had a few hours until we could meet him so we walked back to our hotel to gather the mail other parents had sent with us for their kids.  Upon our return, we met our son for the first time.

The main entrance to Layla House, Ashagre's orphanage.

Our first 5 days in Ethiopia were divided between visiting Elsa in the morning at her orphanage, Missionaries of Charity, a large compound on the outskirts of town at least 45 minutes from King's Hotel, and spending the afternoon with Ashagre at Layla.  The drive to see Elsa was always an adventure and we got to see a lot of Addis each day as we made the journey.  (It was even more of an adventure on the way back, as we had to do it on our own using public transportation - we only got lost the first 2 days.)  Here are some scenes from the drive.

Muslim woman walking along the road.

Livestock - donkeys, sheep, goats, cattle - is ever-present in Addis.

A couple of homes.

Local market.

One of the gates at Elsa's orphanage, Missionaries of Charity.

The main entrance to Missionaries.  Note the people outside the gate hoping
to get in - either to get medical care at the clinic or drop of a child.

Meeting Elsa for the first time.

For me, the first 5 were the best days of the entire trip.  They were also the most exhausting and the most challenging.  Spending time at orphanages is really hard.  The kids - all of them - are wonderful.  They are loving and full of personality.  They are also very needy.  You can feel their need for parents, for a family, for individual attention, within minutes of entering the orphanage.  It is ever-present and sometimes almost suffocating.  Our kids very quickly became very possessive over us, sometimes violently defending their spot on our laps.  It was behavior that we weren't comfortable with, but we also recognized that it came not from typical bratty behavior, but from somewhere primal.

One of the adoption topics that had challenged Brent and I before we went to Ethiopia and spent time in the orphanages was the argument that international adoption is not good because it robs children of their culture.  While I absolutely agree that it is best to leave a child in their home country and culture if a family can be found for them there, I am now certain that leaving children to grow up in orphanages just so they can preserve their culture is not the answer.  While the orphanages we visited were nice - clean, bright, with enough food for each of the kids and caring caretakers (not always the case in many orphanages) - they cannot meet the kids' fundamental needs for a nurturing family environment.  I don't really feel like I am explaining this as clearly as I would like to, but to those people that still doubt that adoption is a better alternative to an orphanage that preserves culture, I challenge them to spend a day with the children in an orphanage before they settle on an opinion.

Another tough thing about the orphanage visits is that you get very little time alone with your kid - the kid that you desperately want to get to know as much as possible about in the few short days you have with him/her.  Brent and I had great aspirations to take the Ashagre's and Elsa's measurements, trace their hands and feet, and just spend some quality time bonding with them.  Very little of that happened.  While we definitely had some great moments, most of them were shared with 7 to 15 other equally wonderful kids.

Kids playing kickball at Layla.

When the 5 days were over, we did our best to explain to Elsa and Ashagre that we loved them and that we would be back for them as soon as we could.  Both of the kids seemed to take it really well.  Our driver explained things to Elsa in Amharic.  She indicated that she understood with a tentative smile on her face.  Our last day with Ashagre was on the weekend, and when it was time to go, we realized that all the adults that spoke both English and Amharic had gone home.  We had no way of really telling him goodbye, so we gave him a hug and kissed him on the forehead like we had done everyday prior and hoped that his caretakers would explain things to him later on.  Leaving both of them was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I still feel like a piece of me is missing.  The last thought I have at night before I fall asleep is the smell of Ashagre and the feel of him snuggled on my lap and the radiance of Elsa's smile.  These are also the first things I think of when I wake up each morning.

We're Back!

We landed back in the States at 8 AM yesterday.  To say that it was a shocking experience would be an understatement.  Ethiopia and California are two completely different worlds.

From the minute we arrived at Bole International Airport in Addis, I began visualizing our trip home from the perspective of the kids.  How would they wrap their heads around such a monumental journey?  Would they be scared? Overwhelmed? What would they think? What would they be feeling?  By examining my own feelings as we made the transition from Ethiopia back to Ventura, the reality of that same trip for them a few months in the future really struck me.

Brent really nailed a huge difference as we drove back from L.A. to Ventura.  "Where are all the people?" he asked.  He was right.  Los Angeles felt desolate after walking and traveling the people-packed roads of Ethiopia.  In Ethiopia there are people EVERYWHERE, whether you are in the city or the country-side, people line the roads walking, fetching water, herding livestock, chatting, packed in cars and mini-buses, and watching the world go by.  Here we were in Los Angeles, one of the biggest cities in the U.S., and there wasn't a person in sight - except those driving solo with us on the freeway.  Today, more than 24 hours after we've been home, it still feels a bit lonely here.  Luckily Brent invited some people over tonight to see some pictures of our trip.  Hopefully we can make our home feel warm and inviting when we bring the kids home in January.

I promise to post about our entire trip over the next few weeks and provide LOTS of pictures.  Until I get started here are some of the best pictures of all - pictures of Ashagre and Elsa.  Enjoy!

You Can Call Me Papa and I'll Call You Momma

It's official!  Today we passed court and are legally Elsa and Ashagre's parents!

So, with no further wait...we would like to introduce...

Our daughter, Elsa Safranski

...and our son, Ashagre Safranski

So when can we bring them home?  As of now, not until mid-January.  We spoke with the adoption coordinator, and it sounds like the earliest we could possibly get an appointment with the American embassy is December 15th.  While we definitely considered it, there is no way that Dakota can stay in Ethiopia that long.  As a result, it now sounds like our embassy appointment will be January 12th.  During the embassy appointment, the children will gain the papers necessary to become U.S. citizens as soon as they land in Los Angeles; until they have those papers we cannot bring them home.  So, around the 12th both of us will fly back to Addis to pick up the kids.

It is going to be a LONG month and a half, but it's also only a month and a half and we certainly have some things to do to prepare before then.

We fly out of Addis on Friday evening and will be back in California on Saturday morning.  We are looking forward to consuming lots of fresh vegetables, but also know that leaving Ethiopia will leave us with a hole in our hearts - this really is an amazing country.

Back in Addis Ababa

Well, we're back in Addis.  Yesterday after arriving we took advantage of such amenities as a hot shower (or a shower at all, for that matter), bug free bedding, and a huge cheeseburger with french fries before watching back to back testosterone-filled B-grade American movies on TV.

Our trip south was a wonderful adventure.  There is truly too much to write about, so we'll have to update the blog (with pictures) once we get back to the states.  However, here are a few teasers:

• While we heard them in the night, we managed to avoid becoming a scoobie-snack to the jibb, or local hyenas
• We now know how it feels to be international celebrities, minus the flashbulbs, of course
• Dakota has officially become a connoisseur of coffee - especially macchiatos
• Brent has the spear-throwing skills to someday become a great Oromo hunter
• Despite common public conceptions, Ethiopia has lush green ecosystems
• There are many more sealed roads in Ethiopia than the Lonely Planet would lead you to believe, and it really isn't all that difficult to get around so long as you aren't clausterphobic, prone to heat stroke, or have a strong dislike for Ethiopian music at high decibles
• Travis Langen has a long-lost brother in Dodola\
• While small, Ethiopian horses are sure-footed, strong, have lungs of steel, and feel much taller when you fall off of them
• Wooden saddles aren't too uncomfortable with the proper "pillows" for padding
• Paying extra for a hot shower in Wondo Genet doesn't necessarily mean that you'll get a hot shower, or water...or electricity for that matter
• Sometimes, if you want something done right (like tying your bags to the top of the minibus), you have to do it yourself (or risk recoving them from the side of the road)
• No matter where you find yourself in Ethiopia, it won't take long before a true friend asks "You, where you go?", and shares a cup of coffee and a piece of bread with you before helping you find your way to your next destination

Tomorrow (Wednesday) is our next court date.  We don't have to go back to court, but hopefully our Ministry of Woman's Affairs Letter will arrive.  If it does we will officially become Ashagre's and Elsa's mom and dad.

We plan on spending the next few days checking out Addis's museums, sampling macchiatos at various cafes, and doing some souvenier shopping.  We also hope to do some more detective work to uncover the stories of our kids' pasts.

The Bridge Between Two Realities

Yesterday we made the 5 hour trip from Addis Ababa south to Awasa.  Awasa is the capital of the Sidama region of Ethiopia, the region where Ashagre grew up.  It seemed to take nearly an hour just to escape the traffic and choking clouds of exhaust characteristic of Addis.  Soon enough though we found ourselves in the Ethiopian country-side.  It's beautiful.  Yellow fields of teff (a wheat like plant used to make the national bread, injera) dotted by the occasional tree almost always shading a herd of goats or cows or donkeys or a gathering of people.  Traditional huts or simple earthen buildings hide behind living fences of cactus and thorny shrubs.  Camels, monkies, and ostriches began as rare sightings and quickly turned commonplace.  And the people.  Ethiopia is full of people.  Even in the remote stretches of highway people line the roadway, walking, riding behind donkey-driven carts, carrying water, selling papayas, and resting in patches of shade. 

We made a few stops along the way.  Once for a traditional lunch of beef and lamb tibbs (meat cooked in butter with peppers and onions) and the mandatory after-meal-machiato, and once to rest by the shores of Lake Lagano at an upscale resort.  Brent even took a short swim in the coffee and milk colored water - quite sure that any minute he would become a hippo snack.  When we arrived in Awasa, we were able to meet and dine with the brother of our driver in Addis.  His name is Henok and he is a lecturer at the local university.  He is very smart (he lectures on bio-medical science) and, like all Ethiopians, extremely gracious and warm.

During dinner with Henok we learned the meaning of Ashagre's name - the bridge, a transition, or the link between two places - eerily fitting as we familiarize ourselves with the reality of Ethiopia and prepare to bring him and his sister to America.  Speaking of Ashagre's name, for those of you that have been trying to keep track, we now know the real pronunciation: A-SHOG (rhymes with hog)-RAY (hence the 3rd spelling).  Elsa is still pronounced EL-SA, and apparently also does not have a significant meaning, but is fairly common in Ethiopia.

Ethiopia is definitely a different reality than what we expected it to be.  It is worlds away from our life in Ventura -this we expected, of course, but no amount of research could help us put a face to the orphans.  Only by being here can we know the smell of the streets, the warmth of a stranger's handshake, or the spice of a good batch of berbere.  We have a feeling that when we finally get to bring the kids home, a third, at-this-time uncomprehendable reality awaits us.  While traveling in Ethiopia is amazing, the anticipation of that new reality seems to overshadow our entire experience.  We count the days until we can bring them home.

T.I.A.

This is Africa!

First off, for those of you that have been worrying, we made it to Ethiopia without a single glitch.  Addis Abba is an overwhelming mix of diesel fumes, red dirt, gorgeous Ethiopian smiles, friendly people, challenging sights, searing sun, and harsh economic contrasts.

But, before we get into that - what you all really want to know - the kids are wonderful!  Ashagre is a snuggle-bug, perfectly content to sit in Mom or Dad's lap for hours on end.  In fact, he violently defends his laps against the hords of other children that desperately want a snuggle too.  He is a watcher and a thinker and an overall sweet boy.  Elsa is our wild-child.  We have a feeling she will take on life like she does the rusty slide at her orphange - head first and backwards with wide eyes and a huge grin on her face.  She is very bright and has no problem letting us know exactly what she wants.  She also isn't too keen on sharing Mom and Dad with the other kids, but plays well with them nonetheless.  Ashagre is stacking up to be a Momma's boy, while Elsa definitely loves her silly Dad, but of course, we have so much more to learn about who they are.  We can't wait to get them home and continue the journey.

Now, back to the title of this post.  Today is a great example of how things play out in Ethiopia - you truly just have to roll with it and everything seems to work out ok.  This morning we had planned to head up to Elsa's orphanage, which is on the outskirts of town, 45 minutes from where we are staying.  We knew we had to be back at Ashagre's orphanage by 1:30 for court.  Along the way, we picked up a social worker that needed to go to the same place, so of course, we journeyed off course to run an errand for him.  Finally on the road toward our destination and getting quite close, both the social worker and our driver's phones start ringing.  We had to be in court in 1 hour!  We were dirty in clothes meant to allow us to follow Elsa wherever she felt like going for the day and asked if we needed to change first.  We were assured we were dressed fine for court, even after explaining that we would be kicked out of an American court room if we were dressed like we were.  Off we sped towards court until phones started rining again.  We needed to change!  Our driver rapidly changed directions again (it would take a whole additional post to tell you about driving in Ethiopia) toward our hotel.  After a quick change, we rushed through traffic across town to court.  Court consisted of a 30 minute wait, a 3 minute "yes/no" interview, all to learn that the Ethiopian government Ministry of Woman's Affairs hadn't turned in an important piece of paper.  Not to worry though, our obligation toward court is done and the piece of paper should arrive shortly.  In fact...

...we learned the day of our arrival in Ethiopia that they may be able to fast-track the kids' adoption so that we could bring them home a week or so after we were planning on leaving Ethiopia.  If this is the case, we'll have some decisions to make, but Dakota may stay in Ethiopia with the kids (she will be able to have custody of them at that point and stay with them in a guesthouse) while Brent makes a quick trip back to make last minute preparations and fulfill work obligations before coming back to help bring them home.

This trip certainly isn't easy.  From the emotions of meeting our kids to putting faces to the 4.5 million orphans in Ethiopia to seeing people lining up outside of Elsa's orphange in the hope of receiving medical care or the opportunity to leave their children in hope of a better future (Elsa's orphanage is at capacity with 300 children, most of which do not have the paperwork that will ever allow them to be adopted) to the almost suffocating demands of the children that need a snuggle or a smile or a bit of attention.  These experiences give you plenty to think about when you are wide awake at 3 in the morning still realing from the effects of jetlag.  It is exhausting and humbling and tragic and beautiful all at the same time.

We haven't seen much of Addis because we are trying to see as much of the kids as possible.  On that note, Ashagre, should be up from his nap soon so its time to wrap this post up.  We apologize for its disjointed nature - but this is Africa.

We're off to Awasa in a couple of days.  We'll do our best to post, but please understand that we are in Ethiopia!

Hello and Dubai

Just a quick update to let you all know that we are safe and currently killing time in Dubai.  It's 4:54 in the morning.  Dakota, being the worrier that she is, made sure we both got up an hour too early.  We can't eat until 5:30 and should be at the airport sometime shortly after that.  The good thing is we now have 30 minutes to write an $8 blog post.

Not really much to report.  The flight was fine, if a bit cozy, and Emirates seems to be a great airline, so long as your in-flight entertainment consol works - Brent's didn't - fortunately he can sleep on the plane (and in the hotel room).  Dakota hasn't slept since we left California, but she did get the highest score ever in Bejeweled 2 and has now seen the new Karate Kid and Shutter Island.

We were feeling a bit too cracked out to check out Dubai and ended up just using the free meal vochure at our hotel - which had a great buffet with amazing fhoul.  Next time through though, we plan on taking a 2 hour driving tour of the City.  We've got the info. so we can arrange it ahead of time.

Dubai really doesn't seem all that different from America except for the different types of clothing and the blingiest watches we've ever seen.  People are friendly and the architecture is beautiful (what we've been able to see in the dark).

In 7 hours or so we expect to meet one of our kids - likely Ashegre - but we'll figure out those details once we arrive in Addis Ababa.  Reality is starting to sink in, although, maybe not quite all the way.  The first words out of Brent's mouth this morning was, "Where are we? What are we doing?" (with a big grin on his face).  Reality seems to come at us in small bite-size pieces ever since we started this process - we have a feeling the full course is about 7 hours away.

Sending lots of love around the world.  We'll post again when we can.

Nervous Energy

We're leaving the house in 4 hours.  Departing LAX at 4 pm.  We'll be in Ethiopia Tuesday at 11:30 am their time.  Gotta go water the house plants before we leave...

Ethiopian Music

Since I figured out how to embed You Tube videos in the blog, here are a couple of songs from two Ethiopian-born singers with gorgeous voices: Gigi and Meklit Hadero.  Get's me in the mood to hop on a plane...Enjoy!


ABA ALEM LEMINE by GIGI

 

GURAMAYLE by GIGI

LEAVING SOON by MEKLIT HADERO

IT WILL BE QUIET by MEKLIT HADERO

I Got Love For You

Today driving to work I was listening to Michael Franti and Spearhead because I was in a GREAT mood (last day of work before our trip to Ethiopia) and Michael Franti's music generally matches a great mood well.  However, about half way between Ventura and Oxnard I Got Love For You came on and I spontaneously started crying pretty uncontrollably - not sad cry, but an excited I can't wait any longer because I am too full of emotion kind of cry.  I was listening and imagining finally meeting Ashegre and Elsa for the first time, and I guess it just overcame me. 

So, in celebration of the last day of work before our trip, here's a nice mellow version of I Got Love For You, followed by the lyrics.

Another morning has come and the sun is high
But I know that today is the day that I might cry
Because I know you're going
And I know you're leaving
To somewhere you hope to find the peace of mind you're seeking

In the back of a greyhound bus, it'll take you far
In the back of a greyhound bus you can be who you are

And I say
La-la-la La-la-la La-la-la La-la-la La La
I got love for you
I got love for you

So I'll be waiting my dear u-huh
Waiting right here u-huh
Waiting my dear u-huh
Waiting right here u-huh

I remember the time back when we was home
In and out up and down in this life what a crazy road
It's been a long time that I shoulda said what I tell now
That I got faith in you
And I believe in you

In the dark of the night in the hotel when you're alone
In the middle of the city where nobody cares to know
On the top of the town in the glimmer of the shining lights
You just shine on now
You just shine on now

And I say
La-la-la La-la-la La-la-la La-la-la La La
I got love for you
I got love for you

So I'll be waiting my dear u-huh
Waiting right here u-huh
Waiting right here u-huh

And I've got love for you - love for you - love for you

And I know that you can't say for sure when you're coming home
But I got faith in you
And I believe in you

And I say
La-la-la La-la-la La-la-la La-la-la La La
I got love for you
I got love for you

Another evening's come and the moon is high
But I know that tonight is the night that I might cry
Because I know you're going
And I know you're leaving
To somewhere you hope to find the peace of mind you're seeking

In the back of a greyhound bus, it'll take you far
In the back of a greyhound bus you can be who you are

The What-Ifs

The past few days I haven't had much time to think about the adoption because things have been so busy at work.  It's probably a good thing because I am finding that the What-Ifs seem to feel like creeping in when I do have time to think about it.  This is one of the tougher things about adoption - the What-Ifs.  There are just SO MANY unknowns that it is way to easy to start playing the What-If game in your head.

In the beginning, many of my thoughts revolved around the adoption process itself:
-What if something changes drastically in the Ethiopian adoption process and we can't complete our adoption?
-What if we aren't able to save the money we plan on saving in time?
-What if I misread the instructions on (pick a form) and our (pick a piece of paperwork) is delayed for months?

Once we got our referral and a few small pieces of information on Elsa and Ashegre the What-Ifs have revolved around the kids.  First, mostly Elsa, in part, due to her life story and, in part, due to the fact that we have so little information on her.  To this day, we still only have 3 pictures of her.  In two of them, she is showing very little emotion so it seemed hard to infer what she might be like.  That huge space of the unknown is the perfect breeding ground for the What-Ifs.

Now the What-Ifs almost completely revolve around Ashegre.  We have over 20 pictures of him, 3 videos, and bits and snipits of information from other adoptive parents that have met him.  In the majority of the pictures he looks quite serious, often worried, and sometimes downright unhappy (but always handsome).  We only have one or two pictures where he has a genuine smile on his face.  Naturally, I worry about him. 

All parents want their kids to be happy.  Brent and I have very realistic expectations that neither of our kids will be all smiles and giggles from day one or at any point in their lives, really.  No one should be expected to be happy all the time.  Furthermore, in their young lives they have experienced more loss than Brent and I ever have combined.  While I try to do it every single day, I cannot put myself in their completely in their shoes and truly understand what that must feel like. 

And so, the What-Ifs creep in.  What-If either of the kids is really unhappy here?  What-If they have attachment issues and a real hard time being part of a family?  What if we can't give them what they need to live out their childhoods in as carefree and happy a manner as possible?...

It's funny, as I type this post I am realizing how much I needed to type it.  The fact is, the What-Ifs are just that.  There's nothing to them, really.  It's worrying about things that might be problems (but might not be issues at all).  It's filling the unknown with worry.

As I type, little examples keep popping up in my head, proving to me that there is nothing substantial to worry about.  An adoptive parent just the other day told me, "my husband and I met Ashegre on our last trip - darling.  So happy and loving."  Another mom told me that he was pretty darn shy the first day they met him (you should see his stone face in the pictures and video from that day), but that he warmed up a lot as they got to know him and that he was such a sweet kid (and a cutie).  The pictures of him from the latter half of their trip are just gorgeous and even feature a couple of half-smiles.

Maybe the point of this post is there is no point.  No point to worrying about things that might not even be problems.  If I can learn this lesson as a result of this adoption I will have grown more than I could have ever imagined - maybe even before the kids come home.

6 days until we land in Ethiopia and start filling the unknown with the very beginnings of KNOWING.