Addis Ababa, November 9th - 13th: Meeting Our Kids

Today I received a very special email.  In that email were pictures of Brent and I meeting Ashagre for the first time.  Our son, groggy from his recently ended nap, squinting in the bright Ethiopian sun, standing before us waiting to be picked up and hugged for the first time.  Seeing the pictures caused a flood of emotions.  There was so much anticipation leading up to that moment.  We had been waiting so long to meet him, to touch him, to smell him, to hug him, to hold him.  Finally, with little ceremony, that moment had arrived.  It was perfect.

Our beautiful boy once he woke up and had a chance to get
used to his new mom and dad.

We arrived in Addis around 11 a.m. on Tuesday, November 9th.  After getting our visas, gathering our luggage, and exchanging some money, we found the shuttle bus driver that would take us to our home in Addis - The King's Hotel.

The view from our window at the King's.

Another picture from our deck at King's.  The new African Union
building is being constructed in the upper left-hand corner.

The hotel was walking distance from the AAI office and Ashagre's orphanage, Layla House, so as soon as we dropped off our bags and took a breath we went downstairs to call Gail, AAI's Adoption Coordinator.  She told us how to walk to the orphanage from King's, and we were off, navigating Addis's diesel smoke-choked roads in search of our son.  When we arrived at AAI, we learned that Ashagre was napping and that we had a few hours until we could meet him so we walked back to our hotel to gather the mail other parents had sent with us for their kids.  Upon our return, we met our son for the first time.

The main entrance to Layla House, Ashagre's orphanage.

Our first 5 days in Ethiopia were divided between visiting Elsa in the morning at her orphanage, Missionaries of Charity, a large compound on the outskirts of town at least 45 minutes from King's Hotel, and spending the afternoon with Ashagre at Layla.  The drive to see Elsa was always an adventure and we got to see a lot of Addis each day as we made the journey.  (It was even more of an adventure on the way back, as we had to do it on our own using public transportation - we only got lost the first 2 days.)  Here are some scenes from the drive.

Muslim woman walking along the road.

Livestock - donkeys, sheep, goats, cattle - is ever-present in Addis.

A couple of homes.

Local market.

One of the gates at Elsa's orphanage, Missionaries of Charity.

The main entrance to Missionaries.  Note the people outside the gate hoping
to get in - either to get medical care at the clinic or drop of a child.

Meeting Elsa for the first time.

For me, the first 5 were the best days of the entire trip.  They were also the most exhausting and the most challenging.  Spending time at orphanages is really hard.  The kids - all of them - are wonderful.  They are loving and full of personality.  They are also very needy.  You can feel their need for parents, for a family, for individual attention, within minutes of entering the orphanage.  It is ever-present and sometimes almost suffocating.  Our kids very quickly became very possessive over us, sometimes violently defending their spot on our laps.  It was behavior that we weren't comfortable with, but we also recognized that it came not from typical bratty behavior, but from somewhere primal.

One of the adoption topics that had challenged Brent and I before we went to Ethiopia and spent time in the orphanages was the argument that international adoption is not good because it robs children of their culture.  While I absolutely agree that it is best to leave a child in their home country and culture if a family can be found for them there, I am now certain that leaving children to grow up in orphanages just so they can preserve their culture is not the answer.  While the orphanages we visited were nice - clean, bright, with enough food for each of the kids and caring caretakers (not always the case in many orphanages) - they cannot meet the kids' fundamental needs for a nurturing family environment.  I don't really feel like I am explaining this as clearly as I would like to, but to those people that still doubt that adoption is a better alternative to an orphanage that preserves culture, I challenge them to spend a day with the children in an orphanage before they settle on an opinion.

Another tough thing about the orphanage visits is that you get very little time alone with your kid - the kid that you desperately want to get to know as much as possible about in the few short days you have with him/her.  Brent and I had great aspirations to take the Ashagre's and Elsa's measurements, trace their hands and feet, and just spend some quality time bonding with them.  Very little of that happened.  While we definitely had some great moments, most of them were shared with 7 to 15 other equally wonderful kids.

Kids playing kickball at Layla.

When the 5 days were over, we did our best to explain to Elsa and Ashagre that we loved them and that we would be back for them as soon as we could.  Both of the kids seemed to take it really well.  Our driver explained things to Elsa in Amharic.  She indicated that she understood with a tentative smile on her face.  Our last day with Ashagre was on the weekend, and when it was time to go, we realized that all the adults that spoke both English and Amharic had gone home.  We had no way of really telling him goodbye, so we gave him a hug and kissed him on the forehead like we had done everyday prior and hoped that his caretakers would explain things to him later on.  Leaving both of them was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I still feel like a piece of me is missing.  The last thought I have at night before I fall asleep is the smell of Ashagre and the feel of him snuggled on my lap and the radiance of Elsa's smile.  These are also the first things I think of when I wake up each morning.