Ashagre and Elsa came home on IR-3 visas, which, technically, means that we physically saw them prior to their adoption and that a full and final adoption was completed in Ethiopia prior to them flying to the United States. As a result, when our plane touched down in Los Angeles, the kids were instantly U.S. citizens. Without any effort on my part their social security cards and certificates of citizenship arrived in the mail a few weeks after we were all home as a new family of four. The adoption was complete - except for one thing. Except for re-adoption.
Re-adoption occurs in the United States and allows you to get a U.S. birth certificate for your kids. It is a means of documenting the parent-child relationship under U.S. law. It is not required with an IR-3 visa, but highly recommended by adoption agencies. Their are stories out there of college-aged kids having huge difficulties when they tried to leave the country for the first time, say for a study-abroad program or some such adventure, because they hadn't been re-adopted in the U.S.
We've had every intention to re-adopt our kids, yet nearly a year and a half later, it has yet to happen. I have the paperwork; I think I understand the process and know how to do it without paying a lawyer to help us, but one little thing keeps hanging us up, stopping us from even taking the first step - Ashagre's middle name.
You see, per Ethiopian naming traditions in which a child is given their father's first name as their middle name, on paper, both of our kids have Brent as a middle name as a result of the adoption process in Ethiopia. Re-adoption is our chance to change this. We have always intended to give both kids new middle names; however, we cannot come up with something we like for Ashagre. Elsa was easy. She's getting my middle name, Renee. Its a beautiful name, Elsa Renee Safranski and a nice way to claim her and pass along a part of our family's history while respecting her Ethiopian heritage by keeping her Ethiopian first name. (Recently she asked us what her middle name was and we explained that, technically it was Brent, but that we were going to change it to Renee like mommy and she was ecstatic).
We would like to similarly give Ashagre a middle name; however, finding a family name to sandwich between Ashagre and Safranski has proven to be challenging. In fact, finding any name to sandwich between Ashagre and Safranski has been quite challenging.
Let me explain:
- My brother's name is Shea. Ashagre Shea Safranski is a bit of a mouthful, but doesn't sound too bad. The initials, on the other hand, leave something to be desired. A.S.S.
- My dad's name is Lyle. Ashagre Lyle Safranski sounds ok too; however, we were sort of hoping for a middle name that he could go by as his first name if he wanted to someday (not that we hope he does; we love the name Ashagre), and Lyle just seems a bit old-fashioned (which, by the way, my dad is not, in any sense of the word).
- My grandfather's names were Elmer and Bill. Nope.
- My last name is Corey (hence us often referring to our family as the Coranski's), but I don't particularly love the sound of Ashagre Corey Safranski.
- Brent's dad's name is Mark. Ashagre Marcus Safranski (Ashagre Mark Safranski could work too) is one name we haven't entirely ruled out; however, then Ashagre does not get a name from my side of the family.
- Brent's grandfather's names were Richard (Brent's middle name) - too much of a mouthful - and Harvey. Nope again.
- Brent really liked the sound of Ashagre James Safranski. While it is not a family name, we were considering it until I looked up the meaning of James (the supplanter; one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another). I don't think we could have come up with a more inappropriate meaning if we had been searching.
- Another option would be to keep Ashagre's original Ethiopian middle name, his birthfather's first name. Without sharing much, I feel comfortable saying that Ashagre knows and very much loves his birthfather. My fear with this one is that Ashagre might someday question his place in our family if he was not given a family name or even a name from Brent and me when Elsa was. Adoption can leave people with pervasive insecurities about their place in the world and in their families, and I don't want to inadvertently play into any of this with Ashagre. On the flipside, I don't want to trivialize the importance of Ashagre's birthfather. This opens up the option of two middle names - that of his birthfather and one that we choose for him.
As you can see, we've given this some thought. We just haven't been able to come up with a solution that we really feel great about. I've considered asking Ashagre, especially regarding his birthfather's name, but worry that it might be too much for him to handle. I don't want to put him in a position where he feels like he has to choose between his Ethiopian family and ours in any way. Even though we would not interpret any choice he made in this way, I could see how he might feel uncomfortable having to choose.
So, in a last ditch effort to discover the grand solution I'm throwing it out to all of you, faithful blog readers (who are getting more and more faithful as the days between posts stretch longer and longer). Do you have any ideas? At this point, any good name is a possibility, or, if you really like one of the options explored above let us know. Don't worry, we won't let the internet name our kid; we may not use any suggestions that result from this blog post, but we also know there are many of you out there that might just have an idea that we haven't come up with. Here's a bit more information that may help you come up with the perfect middle name for Ashagre:
- For those of you that have never met us in person and haven't been reading this blog since the beginning, Ashagre's name is pronounced: A-SHOG (rhymes with dog) - RAY.
- Ashagre means the transition, or the bridge between two places.
- Ashagre's birthfather's name is Tsige, pronounced SIG (rhymes with big) - AY (rhymes with pay)
So, what have you got? Please help us come up with the perfect middle name for Ashagre so we can re-adopt the kids.
When I read the meaning of Ashagre's name, the name Peter popped into my head. I think because it means 'the rock' and he seems like such a solid litte kid.
ReplyDeleteDoes Elsa know anything about her Ethiopian family? If not, it makes for a logical explanation about why Ashagre's name refers to his Ethiopian family and hers your American family. Between the two of them, you would tell a portion of how your family came to be.
Desi's middle name is David, which means 'beloved.' We picked it because of its connection to Ethiopia (both the Biblical King David and the Emperors Dawit I, II, and III), because we liked it, and because it is so common here and gives him an option if he doesn't want to be so different.
If you don't chose to include Tsige, maybe you could create something with his name on it for him to have, like a small silver Africa with Tsige's name on one side and yours & Brent's on the other, or something like that.
OK, enough ideas for one night!
Good luck with the naming. And if you need help with the paperwork, email Chris Little - she's a whiz at readoption in Washington and might have pointers for CA even though it will be different than WA.
Elizabeth
I would ask him what he wants. Does he want a middle name you guys pick, or would he like his father's name? I think he's old enough right? I dunno, you know his maturity better than I. :) We were not planning on giving our girls new names at all since they are already getting our last name, and keeping their paternal name as middle names.
ReplyDeleteSo many options, I can see your dilemma! Corey and Marcus stood out to me, as far as fitting his personality. With whatever choice you go with, I wouldn't worry too much about it being too long (but this is coming from someone who is from Hawaii. My Hawaiian middle name is Konapiliahi...Desiree Susan Konapiliahi East...and I've seen longer).
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of keeping his father's name:) I like the idea of initials, too. Like AJ or TJ...like Ashagre Jonah or Tsige Jonah??? hope this helps!
My son has two middle names. I like to work with the meaning of names. Could you find an Ethiopian name that sounds good with the same meaning as one of the names from your family? What does Lyle mean? Or Renee for that matter?
ReplyDeleteMy son's first name is an Irish name that links to the city in America where I was born. His first middle name is his pre-adoption name. His second middle name is an Ethiopian name I chose based on meaning.
Since his fathers name sounds like Ziggy, why not use Ziggy as a middle name? Ashagre Ziggy Safranski. Doesn't sound too bad. My father didn't have a middle name, so that's no help. And I agree, Ashagre Harvey Safranski? Nope. Or you could use Brent's fathers middle name. Steven. Ashagre Steven Safranski. Also not to bad. But then again you have the initials. What's your fathers middle name? Or your grandfathers middle names? Brent's grandfathers middle name was Walter. Kind of old fashioned. *shrug* Could it be William instead of Bill? That also sounds ok. Ashagre William Safranski. I'll add more as I think of them. I have Tegan's old baby name book here somewhere. I'll look through it and see what I can find.
ReplyDeleteI'd probably look for a word in nature- something that is a short word and maybe even a short word that symbolizes who he is and his journey.
ReplyDeleteWow, so many choices. I have a niece with two middle names and it works just fine. I like the idea o Tsige and Corey if it helps at all
ReplyDeleteI really like Ashagre Corey.
ReplyDeleteWe did similar to you, for what's it worth. Our kids names all have a piece of the name given to them from bio parents or early caregivers, a family name from my side and a family name from David's side. That does mean they lost part of their original names (or, in the case of our boys, the names given to them by the orphanage) but we felt that we could tell them about those names and, if they wanted, incorporate them as nicknames if they felt it was important. So far the only issue we've had is Natalie is upset that we gave her the name Natalie Sofia instead of Natalie Danger.
There's some good ideas floating around here. Thanks and please keep them coming!
ReplyDeleteStaci - you've convinced me. I'll ask Ashagre about it; I've been wanting to for a while, but holding back for whatever reason. I think I'll come up with a few choices that work for us, including his Ethiopian Daddy's name and two middle names, one being Tsige, and then see what he has to say.
Have you thought about Rene? (Can't do the little accent that makes it the male form of Renee.) kinda flows!
ReplyDeletei like corey the best. cool to have your last name and middle name both given to the kids - feels symmetric or something :). and i think it sounds good and works as a boy's name.
ReplyDeletemy second favorite is tsige corey - 2 middle names. our daughter has 2 middle names, one being my maiden name. it's long, but i like having the meaningfulness (is that a word?).
i also liked the name marcus as a 3rd.
I really like the sound of Ashagre Marcus Safranski. Also, I think Marcus is a name that Ashagre could go by, if he ever wants to. He looks like he could be a Marcus.
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you are giving this so much thought and considering Ashagre's input. Most people do not have the opportunity to have input on their names (excluding Metta World Peace, of course).
I had already decided (before i read the comments) that my favorite is Ashagre Corey Tsige Safranski. Or Ashagre Tsige Corey Safranski. I see there are a couple of others who've also voted this way and I'll add my voice to theirs.
ReplyDeleteI love that your last name is also a first name -- that makes it work particularly well if he ever wants a less unusual name to go by. I had two friends growing up whose names were their mothers' maiden names (one guy named Brooks and one guy named Cass). I thought at the time, and still think, that it works beautifully.
One of our two sons has 2 middle names (one from my side and one from my husband's side). My brother also has 2 middle names (again, one from mom's side and one from dad's). I think it's a wonderful option to have 2 middle names. The only thing I will say is that 2 middle names are not common in the US so when filling out forms (standardized tests, etc.) he may end up having to choose just one because there is only one blank. I think that's a shame but a small inconvenience compared to the dignity and meaning that 2 middle names can provide.
I won't try and tell you or Ashagre what to pick, but I can share our experience. We are keeping our 3 year old son's given Ethiopian first name and his father's first name, and then adding a second middle name that is my brother's first name, Benjamin. Our son's first name is difficult to pronounce, and Benjamin has similar sounds, so we thought that if he wanted a more American sounding name to use, he could use Benjamin or Ben. Also, like you are considering, using my brother's name includes my family's name, as he has my husband's last name.
ReplyDeleteNow, none of this is official for us, either! But, for us, the hold-up is trying to determine a more accurate birthdate.
Good luck! There are a lot of great ideas here.
Amy
Don't be afraid of choosing TWO middles :)
ReplyDeleteOur daughter is adopted from Uganda... so we had the same dilemma. Before we had a referral, we had planned on having a child named Ruth Seraphina... both Ruth and Sarah were family names on either side of our families, and we liked that Seraphina was a little extra than (what we thought was a bit plain) Sarah ("Sarah, Plain and Tall," anyone?).
We were then later referred a little girl, Ruth Mary Kisaakye (Kii-saw-shay)-- WHAT?!?! We had already picked that name out!!! Wow. We decided that Ruth Seraphina was going to be a perfect small change for our new daughter. Once we met her, however, and found out what Kisaakye meant ("the grace of God"), and why this name was chosen for our daughter (not her birth name), we decided that THE perfect name was then Ruth Kisaakye Seraphina (+our surname).
We love it, we love saying it, she loves saying it (and is so proud- it's a mouthful!), and the initials are fine. I think having two middle names is SO special, and most importantly, her name is steeped in sentiment and importance.