Wordless Wednesday - Punk Rock

Whole Lotta Hair

Many mommas of Ethiopian kiddos that I have a lot of respect for choose not to go there when it comes to blogging about their kid's hair. I appreciate this non-issue approach, since it is, after all, just hair, and it is also just one more thing to make a big deal about and, in the process, send the message to our kids that they are different from us and many of the other people that now surround them in their daily lives. Yes, different is good, and Brent and I are working hard to celebrate alongside our kids everything that makes them uniquely them, but we all also know that different can mean excluded or lesser than in our society too and that our kids are likely to feel the negative effects of being different far more than we would hope.

With ALL of that said (there's probably plenty there for a whole new post), hair is a pretty significant component of our lives here at the Perfect Space. Hair Day means large chunks of time set aside solely to care for my kids - to wash 'em up, lather their skin with lotions, butters, and puddings in order to bring out its rich shine, massage yummy smelling oils into their scalps and dig my fingers into their kinky coils with the attention only a momma can provide - attention that at least one of my two had never really experienced before joining our family. Hair Day means snuggling up with blankets and monkeys on the couch to enjoy a movie or cruising down to Hollywood for a stroll through the fabulous farmer's market, a morning with mommy at the salon and an injera-filled feast afterwards. My kids both take great pride in their hair. When Hair Day is finished, they beam. It's no wonder that, "Mommy? Hair today?" is a common and hopeful question around our house.

I choose to document our hair days because it is part of our family's fabric just as much as walks on the beach or weekend waffle feasts. I hope that someday the three of us will sit down and look at some of these pictures and smile remembering the time shared (and maybe laugh at my flat twisting skills, which can only get better, right?).

This weekend I probably spent a total of seven hours on hair. On Friday night I washed and retwisted Ashagre's locs. On Sunday night I washed and detangled Elsa's hair. This morning I flat twisted Elsa's curls. My back was sore from bending over them when I was finished. I found myself getting frustrated that Elsa's hair just isn't quite long enough to result in clean twists that run the length of her head. I may have pleaded with both kids on more than one occasion to please, just sit still. But in the end, the pride in their eyes when they scurried to the mirror to look was worth it.

Free and natural hair = happy, confident kid (and a
busy momma come time to detangle Sunday night).

All twisted up. Enjoying the end of the movie while his hair dries.

Momma's first-ever flat twists.

Definitely not as clean as the stylist's, but no tears
either - and I think that certainly counts for something.

Good Bye 2011

Oh, the metaphors here are many, but I'll let you
choose your favorite.

I think I can say with all honesty that you were the hardest, most disorienting, most heartbreaking, most emotional (well, maybe second to 1993 - puberty was pretty rough on me), most inspirational, most heartwarming and most important year of my life thus far.

Hello 2012! 
Here's to hopes for simple routines, a slower pace, daily victories and more mind-blowing growth (for the entire family). Here's to hugs, new discoveries, sunny days by the beach, tickles, bike rides, snuggles, stories, new traditions and laughter. Here's to being fully present in the moment rather than constantly looking ahead for the next adventure or challenge (not really a resolution, per se, but definitely where I'll be putting my energy for a while - it won't be easy, believe me).

Actually, if today is any indication, the the first day of 2012 started off on the right foot in terms of that whole simplicity and being present thing. Elsa and I woke early (especially considering the entire family was wide awake at midnight to bring in the New Year) for an appointment at the salon. Elsa was scheduled for a trim and braid. We made a girl's morning of it with coffee (ice water for the wee one - her request) and breakfast, car chatting, and an injera-filled lunch. The boys spent their morning building model rockets and gorging themselves on Indian food at the buffet down the street.

When we finally came back together as a family of four it was finger nail painting (more girl time), wrestling (more boy time), shooting baskets with the neighbor girls (kid time while daddy snores on the couch and mommy catches up on blogs time), card games, movie watching and Buster snuggling. We were all present doing effortlessly what we've been fighting for and consciously and intentionally learning to do these past 10.5 months, being - yes, just being - a family.

Boy time - beating each other with A's flip flop
and loving it.

The results of girl time. Seriously, could she be any
prettier?

As the day was winding down Elsa and Buster did some snuggling on the
couch. Snuggling for Buster means he lays on top of you (an 80 pound
lap-pitbull). Elsa loved it. When it was time to get up for dinner she didn't
want Buster to have to end the snuggle session so she tucked him in. He was
more than happy to oblige her.

Bantu Knots!

In my opinion, this is one of the cutest hairstyles. I've been waiting for Elsa's hair to be long enough to do it. Tonight I was experimenting a bit with her hair. I originally was going for two large ponytail puffs with a cornrowed "headband" across the front of her head, but her hair isn't long enough for only two puffs yet and I'll just say I wouldn't recommend trying to cornrow for the first time starting at the ear and working over the head. So I scrapped that idea and parted her hair horizontally across her head right behind the ears and divided the front into two sections which I turned into puffs. I didn't know what to do with the back so I just left it loose.

We sat down for dinner and I decided immediately we needed to do something different. The two slightly off-center puffs looked pretty dumb with loose hair in back. When we sat back down after dinner I took out the puffs and sectioned off a triangle of hair above her ear and quickly twisted into a bantu knot. It was adorable so I kept sectioning her hair and adding more knots. In the end, the sections came out a little uneven, but bantu knots are such a dramatic and funky style that it sort of worked anyway. I started to add more knots to the back of her hair, but then realized she'd be going to bed soon and wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with a headfull of knots so I decided to leave the back loose. Overall, I think it looked pretty cute for a somewhat rushed and very unplanned styling. Her hair is kind of an awkward length right now in that its too short to really style (guess I really need to learn to cornrow), but long enough that it gets really knotted when we leave it loose and makes detangling no fun.

So that's probably way more than you ever wanted to read about our hairstyling session tonight.

A Day At The Salon

Ashagre volunteered to go first to get his dreads tightened.

Both Ashagre and Tina were equally enthralled with Lady and the Tramp.

Seriously? Isn't he handsome?

Next it was Elsa's turn. She crawled a top three phone books to get her first EVER braids put in. All her life she has watched the big girls get their hair braided at the orphanage while her hair was kept in a nice, easy-care buzz cut. She once told me that on hair-cutting day she would line up with the other little girls. When it was her turn, one caretaker would hold her in a big bear hug to keep her still while her hair was shaved off with a pair of clippers. Today was a special day; it was as if her time had finally come. She was big and important enough to have her hair braided.

Just getting started, grinning from ear to ear.

Even though I did it yesterday, the comb out really hurt.
I took this picture to try and distract her, but full blown
tears came anyway. She was determined though, so we cooled
off in the bathroom and she headed back out for the braiding.

Red-eyed and apprehensively brave.

The braiding hurt a little too, but just for short periods
of time so she stuck it out. I may have to look for a
different braider. What I really need to do is learn to
do it myself.

So adorable in the end. The whole neighborhood came
out to compliment her when we got home. I'm sure her
friends at school will love it tomorrow. Can't you see
the pride in her eyes?

We finished off the day with a huge injera-filled feast in Little Ethiopia. We then swung by the Merkato Market to poke around and look for a big dread hat for Ashagre. The girl who works there, and always remembers Elsa, promised me she will give me the number of someone in Little Ethiopia that will braid her hair for half the price. Maybe she'll be a bit gentler too.

He wants to grow his dreads as long as Michael Franti
and tuck them up under his hat like his favorite musician.

Big Hair!

Inspired by Erykah Badu, Macy Gray, and a few other women who pretty much kill it, Elsa has been wanting big hair. Today I made it happen.

Before. Post shower and comb-out. She has absolutely
gorgeous hair that is super soft and fun to work with.

After!

This post is also photographic proof that she may be entering into that awkward smiling for pictures phase that all kids seem to go through. She's always been able to muster the prettiest, most authentic looking smiles whenever we whip out the camera, but today it was really hard to get her to pose naturally. I think this is probably a good thing. Maybe she's feeling comfortable enough being herself to drop the sunny, always enthusiastic exterior a bit. If this is true, I say bring on the awkward pictures!

Dreadlocks! An Update.

First things first in this loc update - I CAN WASH HIS HAIR!

So fresh and so clean clean! All washed up and
adorably poofy.

There were a few days maybe three weeks ago when I almost lost faith. The only thing that stopped me from cutting out the knotted ends of his embryonic locs was his love for them. I couldn't do it to him. But things were getting bad. It wasn't just that his head and hair was dirty and smelled earthy. The white flaky scalp fungus so common in Ethiopian orphanages that had become a distant memory in our home returned. I started to feel like a neglectful mom. For a few weeks I treated the patches on his scalp with tea tree oil and hoped his locs wouldn't start falling out. It seemed to help, but I couldn't entirely get rid of the fungus. I tried the lotrimin that both the kids and I still seem to need from time to time, but I knew what I really needed to do was wash his hair.

We took a trip to the natural foods market and got ourselves some Knotty Boy shampoo (with tea tree oil) and, for good measure, some tightening gel. I waited a few days. I considered calling Rehab Salon and having them on backup in case my washing went horribly wrong. Then one night, I just snapped and threw him in the shower without his shower cap on (gasp!). I lathered up his head - twice - and his dreadlocks stayed in! His hair felt so fluffy, maybe a little too fluffy at the roots, and clean and smelled so good.

I threw in a movie and sat down behind him with the locking gel. An hour or so later, we were done, and his hair looked great. I washed his hair a few more times that week. One night Brent asked me, "Should you be doing that?" and I replied, "I know what I'm doing. I'm his momma."

The locs are here to stay and his scalp is once again fungus free. We washed and re-twisted the locs tonight. It took less than 45 minutes. Some of them are as long as my pointer finger. We have another tightening appointment after Thanksgiving. I'm going to start researching tightening techniques and then we'll be totally self-sufficient. We all love them!

Movie in. Totally enthralled. Re-twisting finished in
less than an hour. Don't they look refined? 

After I finished Ashagre's hair Elsa gave me a traditional
Ethiopian head-wrap. For a momma that has never known
how to do her own hair, hair care has become a pretty
central part of our lives. I really enjoy it.

Dread Natty Dread

Love 'em, but not necessarily the process. Actually, there is only one part of the process I find challenging - very challenging. We are not allowed to wash Ashagre's hair for long stretches of time. After the locs were first installed we had to wait four weeks until we returned to the salon to have his hair washed. When it was finally washed, it had to be done twice since the water coming off his head had a brownish-tint the first time. This time around we are supposed to wait 6 weeks to wash his hair. Why no washing? Because right now, before the dreadlocks are fully locked up on themselves, washing his hair will return it to its normal coil pattern, erasing all the tiny little twists we are babying so they can eventually knot up on themselves to become bonafide dreadlocks.

Not washing a 6 year old boy's hair is really challenging proposition for a momma, even a momma that does not subscribe to the shower a day routine herself. Especially when said 6 year old boy lives on the beach (remember, don't get sand in your hair), lives in a climate where we'll still be swimming for a few more weeks (don't forget your swim hat), loves to jump on the trampoline that just happens to be positioned under the plum tree (hey bubbs come here, what have you got in your hair?), and, this is the best one, can't eat a single meal without touching his hair right at the point his hands are the goopiest. I've learned just not to think about it anymore because the locs are worth it - especially to him.

Ashagre has been asking for dreadlocks since he first came home. I'm not sure where he first saw them, but every time we saw a picture of a boy with locs he would point and excitedly ask, "Mommy mine hair? Dreadlocks?" We were specifically working to grow his hair out to the minimum three inch mark for the first six months he was home so we could have them put it. When it was finally long enough (actually longer), I drove him down to Rehab Salon in Hollywood to have them installed. Yes, I probably could have put them in myself, but I figured since they would be permanent (unless, of course, we cut his hair) I wanted them done right. I wanted them roughly equally sized and nicely distributed all over his head. I was more than happy with my decision.

The before photo. The last momma-created 'fro. I'm
going to miss combing out his hair, but relish in the
extra time we have on evenings and weekends. 

All twisted up. Finishing his movie while his hair dries.

My heart melts.

The twists: day one. They'll get thicker as they loc up.

Besides a gorgeous head full of twists, the unexpected bonus we got at Rehab was a chance for my kids, for the first time in their lives since they moved to America, to be completely surrounded with people with all shades of beautiful brown skin just like their own all morning long. Each time we have spent a morning in Rehab I have been the only white person in the salon - the entire morning. The kids definitely notice, and they love being doted upon by all the other patrons in the salon. I love it too. Everyone is so warm and embraces our family completely during our mornings at the salon, and I love the fact that all three of us get a genuine taste of black culture in America. I guess I should have expected it, but I never really considered that a trip to the salon can be an affair occupying an entire morning. Like us, the other patrons of the salon are investing in styles that they hope will last a while and those styles take time to put in. People hang out. They talk politics. They go grab lunch in between a wash and a style. They gossip. They talk race. They catch up on their reading while sitting under the drier. They make a morning of it.

Ashagre gets compliments on his hair daily. He loves his locs because he no longer has to wait for mom or dad to massage hair lotion into his hair before he can bolt out the door to the next adventure. He also doesn't have to sit through hour+ comb out sessions with mommy (although I think he actually misses these a bit for the "TV" he got to watch).

The dreads are holding up really nicely. In between visits to Rehab I re-twist them from time to time, adding a bit of styling creme for hold and to freshen up the scent of his head. They definitely started looking pretty unkept a week or so prior to our most recent tightening, as the hair nearest his scalp really started to loosen, but I still think they're worth it. Once they are truly loced, we'll be able to wash them regularly. Care will be simple - a little coconut oil massaged into the scalp and re-tightening as needed.

So here's the basics in case you're considering locs:

• When can I have them put in? The hair should be at least 3 inches long when pulled straight (longer is better). You'll lose at least 1/3 of that length when the hair is twisted up.
• How do I find someone to install them? I googled dreadlocks Los Angeles. You can also try looking for a salon specializing in natural hair, twists, or maybe even braids.
• How much does it cost? I have seen a range from $50-130. Unfortunately, Hollywood falls on the high end of this spectrum.
• Are they permanent? Not at first, so you can always give the twists a try and see how you like it. If you decide you don't like them, just wash the hair and moisturize really good and it should return to its normal coil pattern.
• How do people react to dreadlocks? We have had nothing but compliments. I do get nervous when we need to re-tighten them and he's looking pretty nappy, but people still seem to think he looks cute or at least don't say anything. 
• How do I care for them? Once they are installed, wash as needed (tea tree oil shampoo works really well) and add oil as needed to keep the hair and scalp moisturized. Coconut oil works well.  They will need to be tightened up as the roots grow out. This can be done at a salon or you can learn to do it yourself. Many people do it themselves with a crochet hook-like tool. Check out You Tube for video tutorials. While they are still getting established, sleep in a sleep cap and make sure to wear a swim cap while swimming/showering.

Note that there are several different ways to install dreadlocks. Ashagre just has twists that were put into wet hair with lots of gel and dried. Sometimes wax is added and sometimes the hair is knotted or backcombed to get the dreads to begin forming. I think the best method is dependent upon the individual's hair type and the person installing them. Ashagre has quite densely coiled hair and the twisting method seems to be working really well. I like that no wax or damaging backcombing is being used.

So that's it - probably more than you ever wanted to know about our dreadlock experience. We'll keep you updated. For now, here's a pic of the little man after his first tightening on Saturday. It is hard to tell from these pictures, but he has probably added a 1/2 inch in length and his locs are already getting thicker.

Day 3 after the 1st retightening 4 weeks after installation.
I think the locs make him look quite a bit older.

Children get your culture...

Lyrics | Bob Marley lyrics - Natty Dread lyrics

Twist Out!

Everything is labeled with their names in black sharpie, their pencil boxes are neatly organized, boxes of tissue, dry erase markers, clorox wipes, and glue sticks are bagged and ready to supply the classroom for school year, their bodies are washed and lotioned, and their hair is detangled.  Elsa has her Michael Franti ticket stub to share with her class during the "what I did on my summer vacation" lesson.  Oh The Places You'll Go has been read and they are tucked cozily in their beds, all ready for the first day of school tomorrow.

First Ever Style - A Success!

This morning Elsa and I sat down for a good two and a half hours and put in her first ever, in her lifetime (and mine too), style in her hair.  We opted for twists since they are supposed to be pretty easy and because her hair is still pretty short so other styles really weren't practical yet.  Elsa was a champ - she read books and handed me supplies with a smile and a great attitude.  Considering how long I asked her to sit and how wiggly she usually is she did a really good job at holding still.  I think she was really excited to have her hair styled - its something she's seen her entire life but never had the chance to have done because her hair has always been kept way too short.

The hardest part was the parting.  I'm really glad that I found this post ahead of time because otherwise my anal tendencies would have been too fixated on creating perfect boxes of hair to twist.  The other issue we had has yet to be resolved - one of the two products in her hair, both of which are loaded with organic ingredients (Kinky Curly Knot Today for detangling the night before and Darcy's Botanicals Madagascar Vanilla Styling Creme to make the twists hold a little better), are making the rubber bands dissolve.  If anyone has any ideas why that may be the case and what we might be able to do about it, please let me know.

Alright, enough rambling.  Here's the pictures.

Detangled and ready to get started.

The second row.

This is a great picture to illustrate the hair styling skills I am starting out
with (or lack there of).  The ONLY way I style my own hair is the looped
 pony tail (pictured).  Today I have the salty surf hair look that is popular
around these parts, not because I put a bunch of product in it and worked
to make it look that way, but because I was swimming in the ocean
yesterday and haven't yet had a chance to wash my hair. 

Putting in the last part.

The last twist!

I think she likes them!

Back view.

Side view.

All dressed and ready to show off her new style.

I think the twists make her look older.  She rocks the TWA (tiny weeny afro) so well that I don't know if we will be doing twists too often until her hair gets a little longer, but it was fun to give it a shot today.  Now we know we can do it.  Hmm...I wonder what we should try next?

Beauty

His best Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful pose
(actually he was grumpy that I wanted to take a picture
of his hair after spending over an hour finger-detangling
and combing it out).

And one of his smile because that's truly beautiful.