The Graduate

On Friday Elsa graduated from kindergarten and I experienced my first, “Oh wow! That’s my little girl,” lump in my throat.  

When her teacher asked us if Elsa would be wearing a gown in the kindergarten graduation three weeks ago we really didn’t know how to answer.  At that point she had been in the kindergarten class for about a week.  She wasn’t participating in class or engaging with the other kids.  She seemed to like school, but was having a difficult time navigating the social environment.  When I would pick her up from school I would either find her in the bathroom (a place she visits often when she is uncomfortable) or playing in a corner somewhere by herself.  Brent and I said no.  We didn’t want her to participate in kindergarten graduation because we didn’t think she would understand it anyway – her school year in America had just begun – and, even if she did, we assumed it wouldn’t mean much to her.

A lot can change in three weeks.  After some prodding by us and her teacher, we got Elsa to take the first big leap and join her classmates on the carpet during story time.  Up until that point she had just wandered around the classroom all day as she pleased.  We kept things easy communication-wise and asked her to sit in the red section of the multi-colored carpet during story time.  She complied – so much so that she didn’t know what to do if all the red spots were taken.  A week or so later, her teacher encouraged her to join a group in class (groups travel around to different activities together and work together).  She chose the red group and learned how to at least stay in the same area of the classroom as her group.  She started doing school work – numbers and letters – and drawing pictures for mommy and daddy.  She learned the names of her groupmates and soon after that all of her classmates.  She started sharing snacks at lunch with some of them.  Pictures from friends at school started showing up in her cubby.  She did more and more school work and was excited to tell mommy and daddy about everything she was learning.  She learned all the songs her class was practicing for the graduation ceremony.  One day, her teacher noticed something wasn’t the same during story time.  She looked around for Elsa and found her in the purple section of the carpet.  When asked, Elsa told her teacher she wanted to sit by her friend, Tashi.  Every day last week when I went to pick Elsa up from school I had a hard time finding her because she blended in with the rest the red shirt and khaki pants uniformed kindergarteners playing in a pack on the school yard.

Looking sharp in her school uniform.

In case you couldn't tell by her beauty alone, we added
a headband and a pretty barrette to let the world know
she's all girl.

I called her kindergarten teacher on Tuesday and admitted we had made a terrible mistake and asked if there was any way we could still get Elsa a red cap and gown for the graduation ceremony.  She tried, but it was too late.  

So, we dressed her in one of her prettiest dresses and made a big deal about it to make her feel extra special.  When she showed up at school, she was a little disappointed to see that her classmates all had caps and gowns; however, her new friends all commented on her pretty dress and how they wished they could wear pretty dresses instead of gowns.

During the ceremony, she walked down the rows of her classmates’ on-looking family members hand-in-hand with one of her new friends.  She beamed with pride when her teacher handed her a special recognition certificate and a flower. She sang all of the graduation songs, a song from each of the world’s continents.  When she transitioned from the traditional African song to the American folk song along with her classmates I held back my tears and fought off my constricting throat.

It is so easy in the day to day to forget how much our kids have done in their short lives.  In general, I think that’s a good thing.  I don’t want their adoptions or their pasts to define them or define their lives moving forward, even though I know both will always be a part of who they are.  I do, however, hope they will have pride for all they have done and all they have overcome already at the ages of 5 and 6.  Sometimes the weight of it all hits me like a ton of bricks.  To remember Elsa’s personal story and think about how bleak her future had once looked* and to watch her walk down the isle at her kindergarten graduation was one of those times.

Elsa with her teacher, Ms. Stephanie

*Please don't interpret this statement to mean that I think Ethiopia has nothing to offer its children.  This is simply not true.  I make this statement with a very real understanding of Elsa's unique story.