Exactly One Week Until We Leave for Ethiopia

Happy Halloween!

Brent and I aren't doing much for Halloween this year - we really haven't had time to organize costumes.  Brent did come up with a good idea though - hopefully it will still seem funny when we are parents next Halloween.  Both of our jobs are asking a lot of us before we leave - you know tying up loose ends 'cause they won't know what to do without us while we're gone :).  When we're not working, we are getting everything organized for the trip.  Today's task is to give the house a good deep cleaning so our friend can feel comfortable staying in it for 3 weeks.

Most of our travel arrangements are made.  We have our hotel room in Addis Ababa, our driver to Sidama, and our horse trekking dates booked.  We figure we can make necessary arrangements for the latter half of our trip once we're in Ethiopia - it will be so much easier than trying to do it from here.

I think we pretty much have everything we need for the trip.  I went out to the outlet mall on Friday to look for a long skirt for our court date, since that what our agency recommended.  Long skirts are not so much in fashion these days, and I was getting discouraged until I came across this awesome dress store in which the average age of everyone in the store, including the saleswomen, was late sixties - early seventies.  They had plenty of long skirts made out of all kinds of synthetic materials (polyester anyone?) to choose from and they were cheap too!  We are also going to pick up something fun to do with the kids - some sort of activity that their friends can do too - but that's about it.

Just a short little update for y'all since everything is getting so close.  I am hoping that we can post updates from Ethiopia while we're there, but we'll see.

Ethiopia Itinerary

So Brent and I spent this weekend nailing down what we would like to do with our 3 weeks in Ethiopia.  Our original idea had to be modified because the very nice eco-lodge, the Aregash Lodge, in Sidama was full.  We threw around a lot of ideas, some of which included multiple in-country plane trips, but ultimately decided on an itinerary not too far from our original idea minus the Aregash Logde.

We will spend the first 5 days of our trip in Addis Ababa getting to know our kids.  We will also appear in court on November 12th to become their legal guardians.  Five days seems short considering this is something that we have been waiting for for months, but the social worker at our agency cautioned us about spending too much time with them on this trip.  Because of their age, they will have a hard time understanding what is going on and that we will be back in a month or so, so she recommended that we don't get too attached to each other.  Saying goodbye will not be fun.

We also hope to spend some time in Addis Ababa checking out the sites.  There are supposedly two great museums - one of which holds Lucy "the missing link".  I am quite excited to see Lucy.  There is also a huge market to get lost in and some great places to pick up souvenirs.  We also hope to catch a cultural dinner show with traditional Ethiopian music and dancing. 

I am wondering though, once we meet the kids, if we are going to want to do much of anything in Addis but spend time with them.  We are still not sure how visiting them will work.  We pretty much have unhindered access to Ashegre's orphanage, but it might be more difficult to visit Elsa.  We should hear from the in-country coordinator about this soon.  I am hoping that we also get at least a few hours to spend all together, but this might not be possible.

After 5 days in Addis we are going to hire a driver and spend 3 days exploring the Sidama Region of Ethiopia, near Ashegre's birth place.  We will likely base ourselves out of Awasa, the capital of Sidama, and explore from there.  We are going to hire a driver for this leg of our journey so we have the flexibility to go where we want to go and hopefully learn as much about Ashegere's first home as possible.

After that, we will have our driver drop us off in Dodola where we will depart for a 5 day, 4 night horse trek near Bale National Park.  We will hire horses, a horse handler, and guides through a non-profit eco-tourism outfit based out of Dodola.  We will ride horses/hike for 4-5 hours each day and stay in huts/small lodges each night.  This tourism outfit has been established to bring money to local villagers.  The villagers provide the horses (a new set each day) and are employed as guides and horse handlers.  Despite what looks like wooden saddles and small horses we are very excited about this part of the trip.  You can check out their website here.  They have a slideshow you can watch about the horse trekking trips.

Once we are done horse trekking we will relax for 2 nights at the Wondo Genet Resort Hotel, about 3-4 hours east of Dodola before heading back to Addis via public transportation.

We will have a couple of more days in Addis for additional sightseeing before heading home.  We will likely not visit the kids during this last stay in Addis, as it would be too tough on them (and probably us too).

So those are our plans for now.  Things could definitely change between now and our departure and again once we actually land in Ethiopia.  We are laying the groundwork for this itinerary right now, but it might not all come together.  I have requested our room in Addis Ababa (for the first stay there) - its within walking distance of Ashegre's orphanage.  I have emailed a driver that another adoptive mom who made a similar trip recommended and have requested our horse trekking dates.  Nothing is really confirmed.  Beyond these contacts, we hope to work everything else out once we get to Ethiopia.

Oh, and if you were wondering what Buster and Lola will be doing while we're gone, a new but already great friend here in Ventura has offered to stay with them and the chickens while we're away.  Thank you Roberta!  You don't know how much your offer means to us.

Ashegre

A few days ago we received a special treat from a fellow adoptive mom that just traveled to Ethiopia to meet her little boy, who is the same age as our kids - two short videos of Ashegre and some gorgeous photos of him.  We also learned how to properly pronounce his name.  In one of the videos, his caretaker says his name very clearly.  Instead of A-SEG (like segment)-RAY its A-SHAG (like the carpet)-RAY, hence the new spelling in this post.

We have actually already seen his name spelled 4 different ways on different pieces of paper work: Asegre, Ashegre, Ashagre, and Ashagere.  While 3 of the 4 spellings contained an 'h' we decided to use Asegre, because that is how our agency thought his name was pronounced.  Turns out they were wrong.  We'll see what final spelling he actually comes home with and decide from there - we have to change his name anyway during re-adoption because he will come home with the middle name Brent, as will Elsa.  Even Brent isn't too crazy about this, so we will change it.

2.5 Weeks...

Until we land in Addis Ababa and meet our handsome boy and our gorgeous little girl!  It's official.  We bought the plane tickets today!  We are staying in Ethiopia for 3 weeks!  Our court date happened to fall right in between a couple of City holidays, which means I have extra paid time off (paid holidays) and we can stay an additional week.

We must get packing and arrange the rest of our travel plans...

Court Dates!

Finally!  Just before I sat down for an early morning water agency meeting today my phone vibrated to let me know I had a new email message.  I almost ignored it because I needed to talk to a colleague before the meeting, but she was distracted by someone else just long enough for me to skim through my new messages to see the subject line "Court Dates."

Yep, we actually have two court dates: November 12th and December 14th.  There have always been two court dates in the Ethiopian adoption system, but the way the dates work has been changing rapidly.  When Brent and I first applied to adopt from Ethiopia, court dates were something that you waited for with anticipation, but they did not mean travel to Ethiopia.  The first date was for the Ministry of Woman's Affairs to make their recommendation on your case and for the child's birth family members, if they had any, to appear in court.  Often times, the first court date did not go smoothly - a piece of paperwork was missing, the birth family was not able to make it in, etc. - and it would have to be rescheduled, pushing back the second court date.  Some families have actually had 4+ first court dates.  The second court date was when you became the legal guardian of your child(ren) and was handled by proxy by your agency's lawyer.  Shortly after we began the adoption process, however, the system changed and parents could no longer let their agency's lawyer stand in for them by proxy.  Adoptive parents are now required to travel to Ethiopia and meet their child(ren) before appearing in court to become their legal guardians.  This is a good thing, even though it means a greater overall adoption expense.

Just last week, the process changed again.  Now, adoptive parents are allowed to travel for the first court date, if they choose.  Basically, by doing this, the two court dates are combined, and the length of time it takes to bring your children home is shortened because there is no wait time in between the two dates.  I thought though that it meant that if anything went wrong at that first court date you might have to travel again for the second court date.  With the cost of airfare, this seemed like a BIG risk.

However, after receiving our court dates today I called our agency to get clarification about the new system.  Our agency director confirmed that we can travel for the first court date and if anything goes wrong it will be resolved in Ethiopia after the fact.  There is no need for us to return because we will have fulfilled our court requirements as the adoptive parents.

Which means - WE'RE GOING TO ETHIOPIA IN NOVEMBER!  I have already called the travel agent to start looking into travel options.  It looks like we will probably leave sometime around November 6th-8th and return either around the 19th or the 27th.  Yes, our departure is only weeks away!  Brent, my mom, and I need to sit down and figure out what trip length makes the most sense for everybody and if we are interested in spending Thanksgiving in Ethiopia.  I am thinking the more time over there the better, but they may have a more logical approach to consider.  Of course, we'll keep you posted.

Going Public

I have decided to make our blog public.  Readers will no longer need an invite to view it.  It is still cannot be found by searching the web, but anyone with a link to it can read it. 

I have gained so much by being a voyeur in the blogging world - reading other peoples' blogs, but not commenting or otherwise participating.  I have decided that I would like to more fully engage in this cyber-community and see where it takes me.  In general, one lesson I am learning from this adoption process is that sharing and engaging more only makes the process easier and the experience richer.  It really is a small world if you just get out there and share and listen.

So, feel free to share the link to our blog with anyone that you think might enjoy it or get something out of it.  We'll see where the blogging journey takes us.

Layers - Part I: Race

While waiting for any piece of information about our adoption whatsoever Brent and I have been doing a good deal of reading lately.  We have been reading some great, really informative stuff.  Books about adoption from the adopted child's perspective.  Practical guides about attachment and what adoptive parents can do to foster it even when their kids have been through serious trauma prior to coming home, and my favorite, adoption blogs.  Blogs written by other adoptive parents that are doing it - raising well adjusted, gorgeous, fun, and loving adopted children and those written by parents that are raising kids that aren't quite there yet (or not even close) but are committed to helping them get there nonetheless.  There is so much to be learned from people that are doing it everyday.

Anyway, all of this reading of various pieces of information has gotten me thinking a lot about all of the layers our adopted kids will be bringing with them as they enter our family.  There's the adoption layer.  No, kids that have been adopted are NOT like every other kid.  Their separation from their birthmom, even if it occurred immediately after birth, is an integral part - many would say challenging part - of who they are for the rest of their lives.  There's the attachment layer.  Most kids that are adopted have some degree of attachment challenges.  They generally don't ever totally go away, and instead ebb and flow with life's different events.  One of our kids will be bringing yet one more layer - one that we probably won't be discussing on this blog yet.  There's the normal kid layer.  You know, the normal trials and tribulations of childhood.  The need to fit in, to belong, to have friends, to meet expectations and figure out who you are.  There's the race layer.  We will be raising black kids in a predominantly White/Hispanic community from the perspective of adults that have experienced white privilege our entire lives.  How do we teach our kids the lessons they need to learn about navigating the inevitable racism they will face in their lives?

The race layer is one that I thought I would highlight tonight.  While reading a new blog that I just found (and absolutely love) of an adoptive family that currently includes twin brothers, age 6, from Haiti (check out the link for Never a Dull Moment on the sidebar of this blog if you want to peek into the life of this wonderful family), I came across this New York Times article copied in its entirety below:

THE NEW YORK TIMES

October 6, 2010

The Seat Not Taken

By JOHN EDGAR WIDEMAN

At least twice a week I ride Amtrak’s high-speed Acela train from my home in New York City to my teaching job in Providence, R.I. The route passes through a region of the country populated by, statistics tell us, a significant segment of its most educated, affluent, sophisticated and enlightened citizens.

Over the last four years, excluding summers, I have conducted a casual sociological experiment in which I am both participant and observer. It’s a survey I began not because I had some specific point to prove by gathering data to support it, but because I couldn’t avoid becoming aware of an obvious, disquieting truth.

Almost invariably, after I have hustled aboard early and occupied one half of a vacant double seat in the usually crowded quiet car, the empty place next to me will remain empty for the entire trip.

I’m a man of color, one of the few on the train and often the only one in the quiet car, and I’ve concluded that color explains a lot about my experience. Unless the car is nearly full, color will determine, even if it doesn’t exactly clarify, why 9 times out of 10 people will shun a free seat if it means sitting beside me.

Giving them and myself the benefit of the doubt, I can rule out excessive body odor or bad breath; a hateful, intimidating scowl; hip-hop clothing; or a hideous deformity as possible objections to my person. Considering also the cost of an Acela ticket, the fact that I display no visible indications of religious preference and, finally, the numerous external signs of middle-class membership I share with the majority of the passengers, color appears to be a sufficient reason for the behavior I have recorded.

Of course, I’m not registering a complaint about the privilege, conferred upon me by color, to enjoy the luxury of an extra seat to myself. I relish the opportunity to spread out, savor the privacy and quiet and work or gaze at the scenic New England woods and coast. It’s a particularly appealing perk if I compare the train to air travel or any other mode of transportation, besides walking or bicycling, for negotiating the mercilessly congested Northeast Corridor. Still, in the year 2010, with an African-descended, brown president in the White House and a nation confidently asserting its passage into a postracial era, it strikes me as odd to ride beside a vacant seat, just about every time I embark on a three-hour journey each way, from home to work and back.

I admit I look forward to the moment when other passengers, searching for a good seat, or any seat at all on the busiest days, stop anxiously prowling the quiet-car aisle, the moment when they have all settled elsewhere, including the ones who willfully blinded themselves to the open seat beside me or were unconvinced of its availability when they passed by. I savor that precise moment when the train sighs and begins to glide away from Penn or Providence Station, and I’m able to say to myself, with relative assurance, that the vacant place beside me is free, free at last, or at least free until the next station. I can relax, prop open my briefcase or rest papers, snacks or my arm in the unoccupied seat.

But the very pleasing moment of anticipation casts a shadow, because I can’t accept the bounty of an extra seat without remembering why it’s empty, without wondering if its emptiness isn’t something quite sad. And quite dangerous, also, if left unexamined. Posters in the train, the station, the subway warn: if you see something, say something.

John Edgar Wideman is a professor of Africana studies and literary arts at Brown and the author, most recently, of “Briefs.”

Brent and I often discuss how we'll deal with blatant racism directed toward our kids.  That is a tough enough thing to prepare for.  But what about this kind of racism?  The covert kind.  The kind its easy to ignore, especially when you have had the privilege to ignore it your whole life, until you realize how widespread it is.  The kind that subconsciously or not so subconsciously can shape someone's entire experience of this world - our world - our kids world.  How do we help them navigate that?