The Graduate

On Friday Elsa graduated from kindergarten and I experienced my first, “Oh wow! That’s my little girl,” lump in my throat.  

When her teacher asked us if Elsa would be wearing a gown in the kindergarten graduation three weeks ago we really didn’t know how to answer.  At that point she had been in the kindergarten class for about a week.  She wasn’t participating in class or engaging with the other kids.  She seemed to like school, but was having a difficult time navigating the social environment.  When I would pick her up from school I would either find her in the bathroom (a place she visits often when she is uncomfortable) or playing in a corner somewhere by herself.  Brent and I said no.  We didn’t want her to participate in kindergarten graduation because we didn’t think she would understand it anyway – her school year in America had just begun – and, even if she did, we assumed it wouldn’t mean much to her.

A lot can change in three weeks.  After some prodding by us and her teacher, we got Elsa to take the first big leap and join her classmates on the carpet during story time.  Up until that point she had just wandered around the classroom all day as she pleased.  We kept things easy communication-wise and asked her to sit in the red section of the multi-colored carpet during story time.  She complied – so much so that she didn’t know what to do if all the red spots were taken.  A week or so later, her teacher encouraged her to join a group in class (groups travel around to different activities together and work together).  She chose the red group and learned how to at least stay in the same area of the classroom as her group.  She started doing school work – numbers and letters – and drawing pictures for mommy and daddy.  She learned the names of her groupmates and soon after that all of her classmates.  She started sharing snacks at lunch with some of them.  Pictures from friends at school started showing up in her cubby.  She did more and more school work and was excited to tell mommy and daddy about everything she was learning.  She learned all the songs her class was practicing for the graduation ceremony.  One day, her teacher noticed something wasn’t the same during story time.  She looked around for Elsa and found her in the purple section of the carpet.  When asked, Elsa told her teacher she wanted to sit by her friend, Tashi.  Every day last week when I went to pick Elsa up from school I had a hard time finding her because she blended in with the rest the red shirt and khaki pants uniformed kindergarteners playing in a pack on the school yard.

Looking sharp in her school uniform.

In case you couldn't tell by her beauty alone, we added
a headband and a pretty barrette to let the world know
she's all girl.

I called her kindergarten teacher on Tuesday and admitted we had made a terrible mistake and asked if there was any way we could still get Elsa a red cap and gown for the graduation ceremony.  She tried, but it was too late.  

So, we dressed her in one of her prettiest dresses and made a big deal about it to make her feel extra special.  When she showed up at school, she was a little disappointed to see that her classmates all had caps and gowns; however, her new friends all commented on her pretty dress and how they wished they could wear pretty dresses instead of gowns.

During the ceremony, she walked down the rows of her classmates’ on-looking family members hand-in-hand with one of her new friends.  She beamed with pride when her teacher handed her a special recognition certificate and a flower. She sang all of the graduation songs, a song from each of the world’s continents.  When she transitioned from the traditional African song to the American folk song along with her classmates I held back my tears and fought off my constricting throat.

It is so easy in the day to day to forget how much our kids have done in their short lives.  In general, I think that’s a good thing.  I don’t want their adoptions or their pasts to define them or define their lives moving forward, even though I know both will always be a part of who they are.  I do, however, hope they will have pride for all they have done and all they have overcome already at the ages of 5 and 6.  Sometimes the weight of it all hits me like a ton of bricks.  To remember Elsa’s personal story and think about how bleak her future had once looked* and to watch her walk down the isle at her kindergarten graduation was one of those times.

Elsa with her teacher, Ms. Stephanie

*Please don't interpret this statement to mean that I think Ethiopia has nothing to offer its children.  This is simply not true.  I make this statement with a very real understanding of Elsa's unique story.

Daddy's Birthday Weekend Campout

El Capitan State Beach, CA.

This time we brought the tent and the dogs and stayed two nights!  There was lots of scooter-riding and whiffle ball playing and sycamore tree climbing and ocean "baths" and dog walking and tent snuggling and sand burying to be had.  There was quality time with good friends.  There was the absolute knowledge that our family is a camping family and many more memories will be made in the future.

Heading north to El Cap, getting silly in the Friday traffic.

Buster is SO happy to once again be an included
member of the Coranski family adventures.

First night in the tent.  Reading books before going to sleep.

Homeward bound.

The entire back of the bus, dogs included, didn't last long
once we hit the road.

Elsa LOVES Her Barbecued Chicken!

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!

We love you!!!

Even though it looks like she's shoveling it in, she really
doesn't like cake of any sort and threw most of it away.
Can't complain about a kid that doesn't like sugar.

Join Our Team - Support a HIV+ Child in Ethiopia for One Year!

I just joined a cooperative group to support a child living in Ethiopia with HIV.  For $42 (that's $42 one time, not $42 a month) you too can join our group and ensure that a child in Ethiopia has access to nutritious food, the medicine he/she needs to stay healthy, and an education.  While we didn't visit the AHOPE orphanages during either of our two trips to Ethiopia (we did walk by the gate of one of them on several occasions on our way to get lunch), I can tell you firsthand that the work AHOPE does is so important for kids living in Ethiopia with HIV.

According to the AHOPE website, "There are over 14 million children under age 16 worldwide orphaned by AIDS, the majority of whom are in the underdeveloped nations of the world.   There are an estimated 1 million orphans in Ethiopia.  Many of these orphans are themselves infected with HIV."

Why sponsor a child at AHOPE?  While the number of children in AHOPE's orphanages fluctuates, they operate at or near capacity at all times.  AHOPE does more than just care for HIV+ orphans though.  Through its Child Development Center it also supports 105 HIV+ children that are still living with their families.  This sort of support keeps families together.  Kids stay out of orphanages altogether.  Twenty-five additional children are provided full education sponsorships.  There is still quite a stigma associated with HIV in Ethiopia, so AHOPE started "stigma" programs that foster friendships between HIV+ children and their HIV- peers.  Finally, and this is the big one for me, AHOPE has developed a Youth Development Program to help orphaned HIV+ children that "age out" of the orphanage system transition to healthy and productive lives in Ethiopia.  Adoption WILL NOT alleviate the hard realities that have resulted in 1 million orphans in Ethiopia.  Many orphaned children will need the skills necessary to become happy productive members of their communities.  Programs like the Youth Development Program can begin to make this happen and stand as an example for others to follow.

As Ashagre and Elsa would say, "Come on!"  Join our team.  $42 is one of the least expensive sponsorship fees I have ever come across and you can rest assured the money is going to a great organization that actually gets things done on the ground.  Plus, you'll get updates on the adorable child you've sponsored throughout the year.

Interested?  Let me know and I'll put you in contact with the right people.

T.W.A.

The kids' hair continues to grow and I am having a lot of fun learning to care for it.  I was finally able to get a couple good pictures of their hair all combed out - the main reason for this post.

Ashagre is now at about 2.5 inches stretched - just a half an inch more before we can start those dreadlocks.  A few weeks ago I was getting antsy to dread his hair because comb outs were taking over an hour, but now we're doing them after every bath and they take no time at all.  We also started using "detangling ghee" when we have some tough knots and it really seems to work well.  I love his chunky 'fro and am curious to see what it becomes as it gets longer.  Maybe we won't rush the dreadlocks.  Elsa is closer to the 2 inch mark.  I don't think I can really start to style her soft curls in anything more than the adorable T.W.A. (tiny weenie afro) she sports now until she grows another 3 inches or so.  Both kids are great when I am working on their hair and get excited when it's time to brush it because that means they get to watch something on Netflix (pretty much the only screen time they get these days).  I also think they like the way it looks and feels when we're all finished.

All oiled up and combed out.  Love those 'fros!

Little miss is ready for bed in her adorable silk sleep cap.  A is clearly into
whatever he is watching on the computer - I think it was Cat in the Hat again.

Grief

During a work-related phone call taken in my office this morning it surfaced - that connection, the absolute understanding that only another adoptive parent can have.  The knowledge of what it feels like to parent kids that have gone through so much in their short lives, kids that grieve real losses, BIG losses, losses that no child should ever have to experience.  The caller asked how things were going.  She choked up (wasn't this phone call supposed to be about the latest water conservation certification program?); I did my best not to.  She knew.  She understood exactly what I was doing and feeling last night.

One of our kiddos seems to be moving into an new phase of their* transition into our family.  They are opening up.  They are allowing feelings to surface that they have been keeping buried for quite some time.  They are feeling sad.  They are needing reassurance.  They are trusting more and snuggling more and asking for more support.  It is scares them and it hurts.  They are re-testing boundaries.  Sometimes, like last night, it leads to really big feelings.  Feelings that don't easily go away - even with hours of cuddles and back rubs and hugs and kisses and soft words and accepting silence from mommy - until sleep finally overtakes them.  Fitful sleep.  Sleep that can only sustain itself in the safety and warmth of mommy and daddy's bed, where they can velcro their small body to either mommy or daddy's side all night long.

Last night was rough.  While its easy to hold and love and support my kids when they're hurting (its truly an honor to have the opportunity), it tears me up to witness such an optimistic, joyful, and brave child feel so big and hurt so much.  It's rough not being able to talk about it because we don't have enough shared language yet to talk about things like feelings that aren't concrete.  It heartbreaking to wake up the next morning and sneak quietly out the door without waking them up to see how they're doing in order to ensure they get as much sleep as they can before another day at school.

In retrospect (there's never enough time in the moment) it's almost just as painful to pick them up at school the next day and be greeted by a huge smile and excitement for the day's accomplishments.  When questioned, their teacher reported that they had a great day.  How can these kids experience and process so much and still wake up the next morning ready to take on the world by its horns?  I am continuously left in heart-wrenching awe.

Family.  It's starting to mean something.

 *Ambiguous pronouns used to protect the privacy of our kids.