Telling Our Ethiopian Kids About America's Racist Past - Part 1

After reading this post over at Rage Against the Mini Van and taking a quick glance at the calendar - Martin Luther King Jr. Day is only a week away - I emailed Ashagre's and Elsa's teachers to see if they would be teaching about MLK this week. I'm glad I did.


You see, Brent and I as of this morning, had not discussed America's racist past with the kids. It is one of those topics, like so many others, that requires a certain level of shared language. While we would have certainly been open to such a conversation if the kids had brought it up earlier, we weren't ready to initiate the discussion without feeling like the kids had the tools they needed to express their thoughts the way they might like to and to understand what we were trying to tell them the way we would like them to. Until just recently, the kind of introductory discussion we would have liked to have with them would have been pretty tough due to the kids' burgeoning and amazing, but not entirely complex, English language skills. 


When Ashagre's teacher replied back that, yes, she would be discussing MLK and the segregation and racism he fought so passionately to inspire our country to overcome, Brent and I knew the time had come to tell the kids that, with no choice of their own, when they landed on U.S. soil and instantly became American citizens they inherited a history of racism that will affect them for the rest of their lives. To quote an explanation I provided to the kids' very open and understanding teachers as our email discussion progressed:


In all reality, while racism is a collective part of our history as Americans that Ashagre and Elsa now get to inherit and live with, it is not their history as Africans, especially as Ethiopians, which was the only country in Africa that was never colonized by Europeans (something Ethiopians are VERY proud of). I try to imagine how it must feel to realize that your new home, which is already unfamiliar and scary in so many ways, also has a history of treating people that look like you badly, and it makes me feel awful for putting A and E through it.


Don't worry, we kept it simpler and lighter than that when we discussed it with the kids, but we did have a good discussion.


We first told the kids about the MLK holiday and why it was important that our country honored Dr. King. We talked about segregated schools and drinking fountains and the fact that people were mean (no details or descriptions of violence yet) to people with brown skin just like theirs. We talked about how things have changed. We talked about how they haven't. One of our kids shared a story about being made fun of at their orphanage in Ethiopia because their skin was darker brown than some of the other kids'. The kids both confirmed that, yes, they had experienced someone being mean to them because of the color of their skin. Ashagre was quick to point out, on his own accord, that this had NOT happened at his current school. We talked about how sometimes people are afraid of what is different and what they don't know and they act meanly out of fear.


We let the conversation run its course, following the kids' lead on when to let it fizzle out. They never seemed too alarmed and maybe even seemed a bit relieved to have this discussion with their pink-skinned mom and dad. We made sure to emphasize that this conversation was one we would not shy away from and would openly discuss freely, over eggs at the breakfast table. 


I felt relieved to have gotten started. I am glad to know that they will have had the discussion at least once before with their mom and dad before learning about it in school. I know that there is a lot Brent and I have to learn as we continue down the road as a transracial family. I know there are things we aren't doing now that we need to make a priority. I know that we won't always get it right. I am committed to keeping things open  and following the kids' lead to try and figure out how we can best support them. I am sure there will be more parts to this post in the future.