After swim lessons today we took the kids out to look for some Christmas decorations. All the neighbors have adorned their houses in the spirit of the holidays and the kids have been asking when we'll be decorating ours. We told them we would get started this weekend. The trip was pretty much a dismal failure.
Did you know that there are literally NO Christmas lights made in America? None. Zero. We read the back of every package at the local gardening center and then researched it further online after we came home. There are seriously zero Christmas light manufacturers in America. Christmas lights are made in China, likely in polluting factories by children not much older than Elsa and Ashagre or severely underpaid adults that have no better options.
Brent and I are facing quite a disconnect this holiday season. We're not religious. We're not just the not practicing or not actively involved in a church kind of not religious, we're non-religious, as in we are as religious as America is productive of Christmas lights. We're also environmentalists and try hard, although often fail, to not make consumerism a part of our lives. All of our family lives far away and we will not be getting together for the holidays this year. Oh yeah, AND we live in southern California where 65 degree blue-sky days never really quite get you in the Christmas mood.
No belief in Christ, no insatiable desire to buy and consume, no big family get togethers to look forward to, and no cold snowy days to force us to hunker down inside with some hot chocolate and board games. So where does that leave us? I feel strongly that the kids should get to celebrate Christmas. I don't want to take away the opportunity for pure delight that the holiday season can bring to their lives during this short window of time when it can all still be so magical. Also, they already know about Christmas a little bit, not the overdone larger than life American Christmas, sure, but they know Christmas. The Christmas celebration is the one fond memory Ashagre shares from his time at the orphanage. He got a large blue toy car and a traditional outfit. The only reason he would even consider traveling back to Ethiopia to visit right now is to show Brent and me his blue car (which is sadly not in existence anymore - I checked). Elsa knows all about Abagena (Santa Claus) and Sittotochin (presents) from celebrations at her orphanage. The are both excited. They point out every decorated light post, Christmas tree, and Abagena we pass by.
In the past, Brent and I have been able to ignore Christmas for the most part. Over the nine years we've been together, last year was the only year we bought Christmas ornaments. I ordered two 2010 picture ornaments of us and the kids in celebration of our family legally coming together in the Ethiopian courts. We had nowhere to hang them, but I imagined that this year, our first Christmas together, the kids would be excited to unpack them and put them on our tree. Brent and I spent past Christmases hiking in the hills near our house, picking our way through markets in Thailand, spending quality time with family, or sharing a quiet night with one another. Last year we sat around feeling sorry for ourselves and missing the kids until the chickens did their part to cheer us up. We usually kept things simple. We rarely got presents for each other, jointly deciding there was nothing we needed, and donated to some of our favorite charitable organizations in the names of family and friends. Now that the kids are here there seems to be this (self-imposed?) pressure to figure it out. To pull some traditions out of a hat and make them our own. To be part of the magic.
The kids have advent calendars and are counting down the days. Today we bought one strand of Made in China Christmas lights for our front window. We also picked up some supplies for the kids to start making some decorations. We'll go to the cut-your-own tree farm next weekend. We won't be taking a sled like we did when I was a kid, but maybe we can bring some hot chocolate and the dogs. It all just feels shallow. I guess family traditions aren't usually born overnight, but this really feels tough for some reason.
What do we do? How do we create traditions that are meaningful to our family and align with our family values? How do we capture some of the magic of the holiday season without feeling/being hypocritical?
I'm not being rhetorical here. We'd really love some suggestions. We've got 22 more days...
If you're thinking this post sounds a bit self-righteous, Brent suggests you check this out:
I confess to being a complete, shameless sucker for all things Christmas, but also try to rein myself in to follow my own values about the environment and consumerism. One thing that works for me is having a live potted tree. It is not a towering tree like those of my childhood, but I can watch it grow each year and enjoy it on the patio the rest of the year. (It does require a serious de-spidering.) I get three or four years out of each tree before it becomes compost and firewood. Another thing I like, but haven't done in ages, is make wrapping paper. Some plain brown butcher's paper and paint make a great alternative to all that shiny, foil-y paper out there. I'm also doing a large-scale pre-Christmas toy clear out and bringing lots of outgrown but still good condition toys to the local Oxfam shop. A childhood friend's family used to make ornaments out of the previous year's Christmas cards.
ReplyDeleteMy family is as un-religious as it gets. Yet, I freaking LOVE Christmas. When we were little, it was about the gifts, but now that we're older, it's about tradition, about the music we play as we decorate the tree, the ornament we get each year in our stocking, the fact that Christmas means we get to sit around in our PJs and watch It's A Wonderful Life. We make it about family.
ReplyDeleteand now that we're older, it's about giving back. We adopt a family every Christmas, so we buy presents that are then given to the child from the parent. We bake cookies for friends and families. We donate time and money to organizations we believe in.
That's how we balance it. We make sure we give back just as much as we get.
Um. Well. I'm glad you called this post Bah Humbug and didn't make me do it. (You know, Starbucks has some special holiday coffees that might put you in the spirit... ha ha ha just kidding).
ReplyDeleteI didn't look on the box like you did to see where they were made, but last year I bought a string of Christmas lights that runs off a solar panel and felt pretty good. They were at Target and more expensive than the other lights, but I needed to decorate where there was no plug and I am finishing a chapter in science right now about energy resources, so the string of lights is a small lesson for my students. After this Christmas, go to a thrift store and buy some used lights so your money doesn't go to China and save them for next year.
As far as traditions go, I was raised 100% without religion and Christmas is by far my favorite holiday because it is synonymous with family. Do you or Brent have any childhood favorites of traditions? Charlie Brown Christmas? That weirdly animated reindeer movie? A Christmas Story? I know you don't do much TV, but that's what the holiday can be about -- special things. Wintry foods? Make sugar cookies, decorate them and take them to a local firehouse. Make a gingerbread house and decorate it; include a gingerbread family that the kids decorate to be you all. Look for holiday bazaars that might be going on near you to buy some ornaments from. Half the ornaments on my parents' tree today were made by us kids during childhood. And several others came from bazaars (including a felt camel from our time in Saudi Arabia). String popcorn to put on the tree (out of the dogs' reach). If the needle for popcorn stringing is too much, make paper chains to put on the tree. Have family members with extensive collections of ornaments that never all fit on the tree pick one out and send it to you. Pick a theme for your tree and make simple ornaments that fit in the theme -- have the kids draw all sorts of animals on small squares of paper and decorate with glitter. Read the kids some holiday books and see if they like any of the particular traditions.
And I'm pretty sure not too long ago you were the author of a CELP brochure called Pocket Change: A Conscious Consumer's Buying Guide for Students and Their Families that included two whole pages on gift giving. Make it a Coranski family tradition to make gifts for grandparents, aunts and uncles. Have that handy husband of yours nail together some small frames that the kids can decorate and pick out some photos to go in them. Have the kids choreograph a dance routine to their favorite Beyonce song and video them and send it Christmas morning to your loved ones' email accounts. I guarantee there will be a new tradition for others to run to their computers on Christmas morning to see this year's Elsa and Ashagre performance. Wrap the kids' gifts in fabric you can buy once and use year after year. My favorite gift last year from a student was a set of two bead bracelets that she had made for me. (Plus all those Starbucks gift cards, of course).
I could go on all day. Let me know if you want to hear more...
When I was 8, 3/4 of my family moved 1,000 miles from home and we left our Christmas tree ornaments behind. [It wasn't nearly as dramatic or simple as that, but all that's true.]
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've known and read about you and Brent and your family over the past year, it seems like you know how to 1) celebrate, 2) be in community, 3) give generously, and 4) share your light. Who could ask for anything more?
Love, light, peace, and many fewer plastic things to you at this time and always...
jsc
I might have a few creative ideas up my sleeve to help you guys out :) Having never had a Christmas in the snow, I know it's hard to even THINK about Christmas when it's 80 degrees outside.
ReplyDeleteHere are a few traditions from the Duddridge Fam.
Every year my mom would make gingerbread men for us to decorate. One year stands out more than the others. Per usual, she left us the kitchen and every color of frosting imaginable. Instead of decorating the men with snow hats and cute buttons down the front, we decided it would be a good idea to decorate the lil' men and women in bikinis and board shorts holding surf boards. Fun eh?
Smores on the beach.
Another fun thing to do with the kiddos... take a trip to your local market or Longs and grab one of those special stars that you see on Christmas trees usually near the front of the store. On one side is a child's name and on the other side is what they would love for Christmas. Going to the toy store to buy a present for a less fortunate or homeless child is one of the most rewarding experiences ever! (And the kids have fun picking out presents)
How about a special pastry for Christmas morning? I definitely find myself counting the days until strudel.
The list goes on... I have many a more good ideas, but most of all it's about family and creating your own special traditions as crazy, fun, quirky or serious they may be. Try not to get too hung up on China :) Remember you are benefiting WAY more people (the economy and jobs) by buying local from family run shops, local art shows, and companies based in the good ol' USA.
Ps. Santa bring waves every year...
Have a beautiful December! Lots of love.
Linsey
LIke your other commenters, I am absolutely not religious yet Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the dark nights, twinkly lights, going as a family to get our tree (at a local farm) and decorate it. Each ornament has a story that reminds us of who gave it to us, when we bought it, etc. Tree decorating day is such a great day of spending time together and telling stories.
ReplyDeleteWe also have certain houses we visit to marvel at the EXTREME house-light decorating.
We don't do huge numbers of presents and they are sometimes things we need (read: kitchen stuff for grown ups), but we also have stuff we want (books, clothes). We still open stockings for everyone in the house and pretend we all believe in Santa Claus as we sit on my parents bed (now remember, I am in my 40s!).
For my family, it's time for us to spend a lot of quality time together, suspend reality, and see joy in the kids' eyes and faces. It isn't environmentally good and we certainly help the local bookstore's economy, but it's Christmas and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh, and yes, we always go for an SB beach walk on Christmas day at low tide. Not a bad way to spend a day
Oh man. Right there with you. To top it off, I find Christmas to be aesthetically disgusting. It's something about all of the bows- just gives me the willies!
ReplyDeleteEvery year my mom and sister and I would go to San Francisco to look at the window displays. The SPCA does beautiful ones with animals that are up for adoption. We had a fun lunch, picked out presents for family members (which, consumerism aside, is a really fun task for a kid, learning to think about other people's likes and feelings and wishes), and each got to pick out one ornament for ourselves. When I grew up and finally got my own tree, I had a whole box of my special ornaments and all the memories of getting them. The trip was something I looked forward to every year, because it was a special day with my mom and sister.
ReplyDeleteAlso, ditto on the gingerbread house idea someone had above! That was my christmas tradition with my grandma. When I was really little, we did graham crackers on small milk cartons. By the time I got to highschool we were doing two story mansions with lights in the windows. It was a really fun tradition that evolved every year.
Just some ideas - I know that you guys will find a couple of your own traditions this year, and gradually add on each year. Regardless of what they are, Elsa and Ashagre are going to be SO STOKED.
-claire
You are singing my song. I'm right there with you on working very hard to maintain what I believe/ hold as values and raise a child who gets to... what?... experience the magic of the pretty lights without seeing what I see when I look at them... planned obsolescence, causing cancer in the state of California and no doubt where they were made as well, yada yada yada.
ReplyDeleteI lived on a Christmas tree farm in Appalachia. The kind where the owners wear full body hazmat suits to spray (but the migrant workers behind them go into without so much as a painter's mask). The kind of farm where the dogs come home and have seizures if they go up into them on a day they spray. Not quite like I pictured Christmas trees growing as a kid in Florida. Becoming informed about the world is a kill-joy, huh?
I found the book, Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season, a week ago in the library. It's a bit out of date but it still was a helpful skim to really pull out what I still held pretty dear about Christmas both as a kid and now. You and Brent sound like you are on the same page about what you find unsettling about the way we celebrate this holiday. That rings as a good sign that you will find some bedrock values to plan your family's holiday around.
My guess? Down time. Visiting and eating with friends. Making flashy homemade things to brighten the tree and your home. Really being specific about the year that has passed and what you hope for the year to come. Honoring and remembering your kids' first families and the Christmases they spent before this one. Lighting a candle for all the people out there that don't have what you have. Each other.
Reading through all these posts after the fact, it sounds like you did indeed find your own tradition. Charitable gifts, making cookies together, seeing lights and just being together are what this season is all about... So good job!
ReplyDeleteIn our family, we did indeed go to church, but we now just go to a service of lessons and carols to get the most out of music in a nice space. It's really peaceful to hear carols in a quiet setting.
We also have: a 40 year tradition of walking down 5th avenue (NYC) to see the decorated windows (followed by a delicious meal), a Christmas cookie tradition of giving middle eastern treats to neighbors and friends, and an open house tradition of having friends, neighbors and family over for hot beverages, cookies and appetizers sometime during the month. It's really fun and a nice way to remember that the Christmas spirit can be extended to everyone.
I struggled with the cheap Chinese goods too. I'm wondering how long I can go without buying something made for pennies by underpaid workers in a polluting factory. We'll see how long that lasts.