Moments of Holiday Magic

Inventorying the contents under the tree.

Not a bad idea. One for you. One for me.

She looks a little bit guilty here (and tiny next to the tree).

The holiday conundrum continues here at the Coranski abode.

I think that before the kids joined our family Brent and I had many discussions on the values we would like our family to embrace, but we never really discussed the practical application of holding strong to those values as parents within a society that, at times, seems fully geared to thwart your best intentions (warning, awesome post with way more authenticity than I could ever muster).  As a pair of adults it was easy to ignore society's messages and do things the way we wanted. Now the kids are here and it really seems hard to avoid it all. They are being bombarded constantly and they just don't have the capacity yet, mainly in language and experience, to really think critically about what it all means.

On top of that, there is a large part of me that doesn't want to ruin it all for them - to take away the magic. My parents were very good at teaching my brother and me to think critically about the world around us. While we did believe in Santa until age five or so, we were acutely aware of the hypocrisies of our world at a pretty young age (I still have the poem I wrote in the seventh grade about the fallacy of the the American dream). I remember wishing sometimes that I just didn't know as much as I did. That I could just ignorantly go about my business without any understanding of how my actions affected the world around me and the other people that call that same world home. That some of the magic could be just that, magical, and not laden with half-truths and illusions.

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping for the kids. We're only getting them one toy and one experience (horseback riding with Mommy for Elsa and rock climbing with Daddy for Ashagre) each, but they really need clothes so we decided to take care of that too. Both kids are growing so rapidly right now that many of their clothes no longer fit. Ashagre's pajama bottoms literally have been pajama capris for months now and pajama shirts nicely show off his mid-riff. I went to the outlet mall and got some really great deals on clothes made in sweatshops in countries much like the country my children called home a mere eleven months ago. I came home with everything on my list crossed off and a pit in my stomach.

Jump to tonight. Another set of boxes arrives from loving relatives far away. It's full of Christmas presents. I open the boxes and ask Ashagre to help me put the presents under the tree. At first he simply just starts filling his arms with presents and heading toward the living room, but then he pauses and asks, "Who's this one for?" I find the tag, and, sure enough, its for him. His eyes light up and he does a little happy dance. He eagerly begins reaching into the box to gather more presents. Once they're all unpacked he begins rummaging under the - until this point - pretty much ignored Christmas tree. "Elsa, Mommy, Elsa, Ashagre!" He reads off the names one by one, asking for help from time to time.

As I sit and watch him my heart warms and the pit in my stomach starts to dissolve just a little. Yes, it is stuff. Stuff possibly made by little boys just like him in Cambodia or China or maybe India. But its not just about the stuff either. Its also about him. Its about the wonder and the magic. He scrambles to his feet and asks to set the fireplace grate aside so Abagena can have easy access to our living room on Christmas night. I wonder for a moment where he learned that Abagena comes down the chimney and then I smile and tell him that its a little early to be moving the fire grate, but that we can be sure to do it on Christmas Eve.

A friend I've made since becoming Elsa and Ashagre's mommy recently commented on one of my blog posts, "When we allow our kids to be our teachers, we get a whole lot of good." Yes, I'm a hypocrite, and I'm also Ashagre's Momma. I'm not sure yet in which order.

Cuddling in close to stay warm as we ride on the Holly Trolly and enjoy
the over-the-top Christmas light display in Oxnard's historic district.