5:00 am - Dakota rises to go to work and is at her desk reviewing Chapter 8 of the City's Urban Water Management Plan by 6 am.
5:45 am - Brent rises from bed a few minutes before waking up the kids, making them breakfast, packing their lunches and getting them ready for school. Tennis shoes are required; Tuesday is PE day. Clothing was laid out and homework was safely tucked away in backpacks the night before.
7:15 am - Brent drops the kids off at Ashagre's classmate's house and begins his commute to Santa Barbara. Elsa will be dropped off at school by 8:25 am by the classmate's wonderful mom. Typically Ashagre and his friend will be dropped off later at 11:50 am.
8:30 am - Chapter 8 reviewed and edits forwarded, Dakota heads out to the above classmate's house to pick up Ashagre for his dentist appointment.
9:40 - 11:40 am - Ashagre has one tooth extracted and several cavities filled, completing his major dental work. Dakota completes the kids' adoption post placement reports while encouraging Ashagre for being so brave and promising him that, yes, after this visit to the dentist he has finally earned his bike.
12:00 noon - Dakota and Ashagre arrive at home. Ashagre is feeling pretty sore and out of it after his dentist appointment so work and school are canceled for the rest of the day. While A enjoys some downtime (legos and a movie) Dakota keeps working using her blackberry, schedules an appointment to get the headlight fixed in the Prius, coordinates dinner with our Ethiopian neighbor for the following night, and wraps up the post placement reports.
2:40 pm - Ashagre and Dakota head out to pick up Elsa from school. After checking in with E's teacher its a quick drive to the sporting goods store to pick up new cleats, shin guards, shorts, and soccer balls for the first day of soccer tomorrow.
4:00 pm (or so) - Dakota and the kids arrive back at home. Ashagre and Elsa unpack their backpacks, and finish Ashagre's movie. Elsa finishes her homework while mom makes dinner, wrangles the chickens back into their coop, helps Elsa with homework, and schedules Ashagre's next dreadlock tightening appointment. Ashagre takes care of feeding the dogs and getting his and Elsa's scooters in the back of mommy's car.
4:45 pm - Dinner is served.
5:15 pm - Dakota, Elsa, and Ashagre head back out the door and over to our friend Jill and Ziggy's house. The kids are excited to play with Ziggy and ride their scooters to the park. Dakota grabs some quick hugs and rushes off to parent night at the kids' school. Brent begins his commute south to Ventura.
6:00 pm - Parent night. Brent takes Ashagre's classroom and Dakota cover's Elsa's. Both parents enjoy the evening and come away even more enthusiastic about the kids' school.
7:45 - Parent night is over. Brent runs to grab something to eat while Dakota picks up the kids. All reconvene at our homey 1920's bungalow. The kids share some quick highlights of the day with dad and rush of to start their bedtime routine. Ashagre, as always, finishes way ahead of Elsa and is excited for the chance to try in his new shin guards. He decides he will sleep in them. He shows daddy the tooth the dentist extracted today - it has a hole running all the way through it - and puts it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. Not to be outdone, Elsa asks mom to pull her second loose tooth and it comes out on the second try. The family celebrates with pictures and cheers. The kids each pick out a story since we still have to get our required 20 minutes of reading in for the night. Hugs abound and the energy is nothing but warm and fuzzy. Daddy and the kids read the first book together and then daddy takes the second on his own. Elsa can hardly make it through the second book.
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| All ready for bed. Shin guards on. Tooth ready for the tooth fairy and hat protecting the dreads. |
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| The last of the loose teeth (for now). |
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| That looks like the gappy grinning smile of a tired first grader to me. |
9:00 pm - Story time ends and Brent says his good nights. The kids are nearly asleep before he even shuts off the light. Brent and Dakota compare notes for tomorrow. Wednesday is choice day for the kids, which means its a half day and they'll be swimming with their friends in the afternoon. Their backpacks are packed accordingly. Dakota's doing pick up and getting the kids to soccer. Somehow the house will be made ready for dinner with our Ethiopian neighbor tomorrow night. Elsa needs to finish her homework packet a day early because we are skipping school on Friday to head to Catalina Island for some good friends' wedding. Dakota will remember to get the Prius to Toyota tomorrow to get the headlight fixed and will swing by Trader Joe's to pick up some things for dinner.
Right now - Dakota and Brent each spend a few minutes decompressing in front of their respective computers (sad, but true) before waking up again tomorrow before the sun rises to start it all over again.
But wait, the title promises a Fine Night amidst the chaos. Yes! Didn't you see it? Three paragraphs up? Warm fuzzies, family moments, gigantic smiles and shrieks of delight from our kids. They're happening. As obligations get fulfilled and needs get met and activities are coordinated we still come together, if even for a moment, to laugh, smile, hug, and enjoy this little family we've all somehow become these last seven crazy months.
Now how do we shake things up so that those moments are more than mere moments and instead major components of each day? This isn't an unrealistic goal is it? Seriously. We've never done this parenting thing before. Do we just need to admit that this is what our (not just Brent and me, but the kids too) lives have now become? Am I being delusional thinking there could be another more relaxed and spontaneous, dare I say Perfect, way?
Dakota, as far as I know, if there's a family who can make that happen, it's you four! Sounds like you're on your way...noticing the moments and being brave and trusting and daring enough to say, "More, please!"
ReplyDeleteWhat's not spontaneous about sleeping in your new shin guards and suddenly seizing the courage to ask your mom to pull out your loose tooth? I don't see a lack of spontaneity. I see the creation of a framework in which spontaneity can happen. Based on prior blog posts, it sounds like you and Brent are accustomed to meta-spontaneity (leave it all behind periodically and venture somewhere and do something new). My own personal feeling is that the beauty of family life lies largely in little-s spontaneity, which includes eating dinner on the front porch in a rain storm because the 7-year-old thought it would be fun, heading to the park for 20 minutes after dinner, and pausing for a hug and kiss on the way between the fridge and the stove. Welcome to family-style spontaneity! It's not always enough, but it sure can provide fuel from day to day.
ReplyDeleteARRGH! TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES! This follows from the first "Paige" comment. Disregard the second "Paige" comment which got messed up.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the prolific commenting, but I had another thought. It seems that over the past several years, you and Brent have been blessed with the opportunity and the disposition to be very spontaneous. That has enriched your lives immeasurably and has led, in a fairly direct line, to your ability and willingness to parent E&A.
Meanwhile, for the past several years, I'm just guessing that E&A's opportunities for spontaneity have been severly limited or nonexistent. Between the circumstances of their lives and their need to cope with what has happened to them, they have probably (?) focused mostly on survival. But now that they are home with you, life is opening up for them. They can learn and grow and be spontaneous. Simultaneously, your ability to be spontaneous is receding, or at least being reshaped.
I wonder if stepping back from spontaneity is another one of the sacrifices that we make as parents? We sleep very little so that we can make sure our children are well rested for the next day. We put our food preferences aside to make sure that what is on the table will make it into their bellies and give them the energy they need for the day. We give up our leisure activities so they can get them to soccer practice and to the beach on a weekend. And similarly, perhaps we give up our ability to be spontaneous so that we can create an environment where a small person can stretch her wings and try something new on the spur of the moment.
Parenting is hard for different people in different ways. Loss of spontaneity was not a huge deal for me (though I do miss it) -- you might roll your eyes in disbelief, but losing the ability to reliably get somewhere on time was one of MY hardest adjustments to parenthood. It's different for all of us.
I guess I'm validating your struggle with loss of spontaneity by connecting it to the many other losses we embrace in service of our children's well being.
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