It's the Subtle Things

When Barack Obama was elected the first black President of the United States some said that we had finally entered a post-racial era in this country.  Many begged to differ.  They argued that while the overt racism that existed in our country a few decades ago was largely, but not totally, gone there was still a subtle yet strong current of racism alive and flowing throughout our communities.

As new parents of two black children, Brent and I are learning a little bit about what it means to be black in America as first hand as someone with white skin can - through the eyes of our children.

Today Brent took the kids to fly kites and play at the playground at one of our favorite parks up the road.  Kite flying was a bit of a disaster as the kids weren't their most patient; however, the trip was still a large success as the kids ventured over to the playground to play with some of the other kids.  This is a big deal in our family right now because both Ashagre and Elsa have thus far had a hard time interacting with their peers.

[An aside example: The other day, when I took the kids to visit their new school a little boy in the classroom asked me if Ashagre's name was Eh-Stop because whenever he asked him what his name was he said, "Eh-stop," (Ashagre's pronunciation for Stop) as in "stop talking to me."  Fortunately he didn't yell at the kid to go or go lay down (a command for the dogs that has been generalized) as he has done to other kids in past interactions.]

Back to the playground.  So, this particular playground has sand for the playing surface.  When they began playing at the playground, Brent explained to the kids that it was fine if they carried the sand around or dug in the sand, but they weren't allowed to throw the sand.  Both kids understood and agreed.  As Ashagre engaged in a game of transporting sand around the playground with 5 or 6 other kids, things started to get a little chaotic.  Sand started flying.  Ashagre, however, were NOT throwing sand.  Brent was watching.

Another adult addressed the group of kids saying, "Ok everyone, this is getting out of hand.  We don't throw sand.  It's dangerous.  It could get in someone's eyes."  Of course, this was a good message for all of the kids to hear.  However, as the lecture when on, she stopped addressing the group and zeroed in on Ashagre.  Her eyes no longer addressed the group; they were fixed on our son, as if he was the worst (and only?) offender.

It took a minute for Brent to realize what was happening and yet another moment to deduce why it might be happening.  When it clicked, he was furious and unsure of what to do.  In the end, he did the most important thing.  He reassured Ashagre that he was ok.  When Ashagre looked to him with a puzzled look on his face, his dad let him know that it was ok and that he knew that he had not been throwing sand as he had promised.

But should he have done more?  Should he have confronted the woman?  Most likely she would not consider herself a racist.  I'm sure she isn't a racist in the most overt sense of the word.  I'm sure she would have been shocked to hear someone suggest that she had (unconsciously?) singled out the only black boy in the group for a large portion of her lecture.  How could the conversation been constructed so as not to put her on the defensive right away and possibly allow her a chance to safely reflect on her behavior?  By not starting that conversation, are we perpetuating the subtle yet prevalent racism that exists in our community, in our country, today?

Readers, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.  I'm sure this won't be the last time we encounter this type of situation and we want to do what's best for our kids and the community they're growing up in.