Celebrating the Little Things

Tonight sitting around the dinner table our family celebrated two minor (monumental) victories.

Victory Number One: The kids went by themselves to knock on the neighbor's door and ask if the neighbor girls wanted to play with them. Six months ago we forgot to prep the kids on what you do when the next door neighbor unexpectedly invites you over and when we got to the doorstep they both panicked and bolted back to our house. We had a really hard time retrieving them and convincing them to go over to the neighbor's house at all. A few weeks ago they would eagerly go play in the street when the neighborhood kids were already out, but would not even consider going to a neighbor's front door and knocking on it.

On the ride home from the babysitter's they mentioned to Brent that they would like to play with the girls across the street, R and M, so Brent decided to coach them on how they might be able to make it happen. He explained that when they got home they needed to knock on the door and that one of R and M's parents would probably answer. They would then need to politely ask if the girls could come out and play and be ready for one of two answers: yes, or no, not right now. Brent carefully explained how the whole process worked with little confidence that it would actually happen.

When they arrived home, they demanded that Brent come with them across the street. He casually told them that they could either go across the street and knock on the door by themselves or play with each other at our house. After some grumbling and pleading they committed. When they commit they rarely back down. Brent cracked the front door and peaked out. He heard the girls' dad answer the door and he heard them talking, although he couldn't make out the words. The kids came back and reported that the girls couldn't play at the moment because their dad was cooking dinner, but that Brent should go across the street and talk to the neighbor. It turns out that the neighbor had a quiche for Brent for helping him hang their new basketball hoop the day prior. The kids were so proud of their accomplishment that I don't think it even really phased them that the girls couldn't play. I celebrated with them as Brent recounted the story at dinner time. It is so rewarding to watch them step out of their comfort zone and succeed. You can almost see their self confidence grow right in front of your eyes.

Victory Number Two: Elsa finished eating her dinner before Ashagre. Ashagre's eating style is quick and to the point. Vegetables and/or fruit first and then everything else. He talks very little when eating, rarely wants seconds and is finished before any of us are half way done with our plates. When done he usually prefers to clear his plate and move on to something else rather than hang out and converse. Elsa is one of the slowest eaters I've ever met. She will literally spend an additional 45 minutes at the table steadily eating after everyone else has had any seconds they might want and lingered for conversation. As you can imagine, this eating speed differential can cause some tension in our family - especially when eating out, particularly because when Ashagre's done, he's done and ready to move on to something else.

Now I have to put some caveats on this victory. Caveat one: we were having hamburgers - one of Elsa's favorite foods - and the only fresh vegetables she had to eat were the lettuce and tomato we put on her hamburger. Caveat number two: Ashagre was eating his second hamburger when Elsa cleaned her plate and declared herself full and finished. Nonetheless, Elsa finished eating before Ashagre! Brent did not let this fact slip by unnoticed. Oh no, he made a huge announcement with high fives all around. The kids were not lost on the significance and had fun celebrating. Even Ashagre expressed a level of surprise and congratulated Elsa - not something that occurs very often.

And Victory Number Three (because, actually, a more subtle victory also occurred right before bed): Our friend Chris, Uncle Woosha-Dog to the kids, dropped by unexpectedly as the kids were getting ready for bed and they didn't miss a step in their bedtime routine. When they had finished brushing their teeth and picking their clothes out for the next day they calmly and collectedly came out in the living room to greet Chris. Uncle Woosha-Dog is one of their favorite people on the planet, especially Elsa, and just the mere mention of his name (don't even think about mentioning his wife Laurie's name to Elsa) can send them into a hyped-out attention-seeking craze. Tonight it didn't happen - at all. They sat down and joined Brent, Chris, and I and calmly had a conversation about their winter break and Christmas. They shared some of their new toys and then Elsa read to Chris from her new book about Ethiopia. When it was time for bed, they said goodnight, didn't fuss that they wouldn't be getting a story, and went to bed after their customary hugs, kisses, and high-fives. That's it. Easy-peasy, as Ashagre would say. It was such a smooth visit and transition through an unexpected exciting event that I almost didn't notice we were witnessing Victory Number Three.

So there you have it, today we're celebrating the small things because sometimes its the small things that clue you into the fact that the big victories are occurring.

Serious Cuteness - Nearly Wordless

All dressed up in their new Christmas clothes. I swore
I caught him smiling.

She talked me into doing her whole head in bantu
knots. I was late for work, but seeing the smile on her face
when she looked at herself in the mirror was worth it.

Bantu Knots!

In my opinion, this is one of the cutest hairstyles. I've been waiting for Elsa's hair to be long enough to do it. Tonight I was experimenting a bit with her hair. I originally was going for two large ponytail puffs with a cornrowed "headband" across the front of her head, but her hair isn't long enough for only two puffs yet and I'll just say I wouldn't recommend trying to cornrow for the first time starting at the ear and working over the head. So I scrapped that idea and parted her hair horizontally across her head right behind the ears and divided the front into two sections which I turned into puffs. I didn't know what to do with the back so I just left it loose.

We sat down for dinner and I decided immediately we needed to do something different. The two slightly off-center puffs looked pretty dumb with loose hair in back. When we sat back down after dinner I took out the puffs and sectioned off a triangle of hair above her ear and quickly twisted into a bantu knot. It was adorable so I kept sectioning her hair and adding more knots. In the end, the sections came out a little uneven, but bantu knots are such a dramatic and funky style that it sort of worked anyway. I started to add more knots to the back of her hair, but then realized she'd be going to bed soon and wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with a headfull of knots so I decided to leave the back loose. Overall, I think it looked pretty cute for a somewhat rushed and very unplanned styling. Her hair is kind of an awkward length right now in that its too short to really style (guess I really need to learn to cornrow), but long enough that it gets really knotted when we leave it loose and makes detangling no fun.

So that's probably way more than you ever wanted to read about our hairstyling session tonight.

The Aftermath

Need I say more?

Actually, I would say that Christmas 2011 was pretty much a big success. They kids had a great day. When they awoke this morning, I think they might have been afraid that Abagena might still be coming because they stayed quietly talking in their room for a good 45 minutes to an hour without even trying to get up or wake us. When Brent and I finally decided to get out of bed at 7:00 they were ready; they were literally vibrating from place to place they were so excited.

First we opened stockings, including those for the dogs, and then we took on what ended up amounting to a massive pile of presents under the tree (Grandparents and Great Aunts - I don't think you don't know what kind of bar you set this year). The kids loved all of it from the dolls, to the books, to the games, to the trucks, to the movies, to the legos, to the clothes. They were giddy with each present they unwrapped.

After it was all unwrapped, Mommy and Daddy spent nearly an hour getting everything out of its packaging. Just about the time we'd get one thing open they were on to exploring the next. Finally, Elsa decided she wanted to take a bath with the new baby Ashagre got her and things slowed down a bit. Ashagre spent some serious time building with his new erector set (his attention span for following directions and building complex things is truly astounding) and then followed Elsa in the bath. They both put on new clothes and then settled in to playing with things one by one. Daddy started cooking Christmas dinner (and, in between, building legos and erector set both with and without Ashagre) and Mommy tackled their bedroom. It had to be cleaned from top to bottom to make room for all their new things. The kids helped with the cleaning toward the end, and it should be recorded that we do not have one more square inch of space for kids' stuff, or any stuff for that matter, in our 900 square foot bungalow. Period.

We skyped with grandparents and the kids continued to enjoy all their new things until dinner was ready. Brent, as usual, cooked a mouthwatering feast of ham (Ashagre's suggestion for Christmas dinner - he'd never had it before and kept reading about it in books), au gratin potatoes and broccoli.

The best part of the whole day was, of course, watching the kids enjoy it. I know the holidays can be really rough for kids with traumatic backgrounds and we may still see some aftereffects in the next few days, but today the kids were so content just basking in the excitement and wonder of the day. It may have been just the four of us here today, but I am pretty certain that they kids were soaking up a lot of love and togetherness.

And now, for the pictures.

Abagena was very practical with the stockings.
Everyone got socks and underwear (and a few other
fun things).

Elsa helping Lola open her stocking. Lola's not quite
sure how she'll fit two treats in her mouth, but she'll
give it a shot.

Another cool hat for his dreadlocks.

I think the kids were most excited about the presents
they got from each other - a motorized truck with
lights and sound for Ashagre...

...and a baby Princess Tatiana Elsa can take in the bath.

Trying on her princess costume.

And her Ethiopia clothes.

Super Elsa!

Fancy and scrumptious Christmas dinner for four.

There is only a small window of time when the childhood magic of Christmas can fully be appreciated. Elsa and Ashagre are at the perfect age to really let it envelop them. That magic is powerful stuff. Today I saw it allow two kids to drop their guards and anxiety and just be giddy, silly kids for a day. While Brent and I have definitely struggled with our own values this holiday season, I don't regret letting the kids soak up as much of the magic as they could get. As years go on we can start to make little changes to our holiday routine that bring it more in line with our values. Until then, we'll sit around the dinner table discussing the finer points of how Abagena steers the reindeer as he's flying from house to house.

And the Stockings Were Hung...

Merry Christmas Eve!

Moments of Holiday Magic

Inventorying the contents under the tree.

Not a bad idea. One for you. One for me.

She looks a little bit guilty here (and tiny next to the tree).

The holiday conundrum continues here at the Coranski abode.

I think that before the kids joined our family Brent and I had many discussions on the values we would like our family to embrace, but we never really discussed the practical application of holding strong to those values as parents within a society that, at times, seems fully geared to thwart your best intentions (warning, awesome post with way more authenticity than I could ever muster).  As a pair of adults it was easy to ignore society's messages and do things the way we wanted. Now the kids are here and it really seems hard to avoid it all. They are being bombarded constantly and they just don't have the capacity yet, mainly in language and experience, to really think critically about what it all means.

On top of that, there is a large part of me that doesn't want to ruin it all for them - to take away the magic. My parents were very good at teaching my brother and me to think critically about the world around us. While we did believe in Santa until age five or so, we were acutely aware of the hypocrisies of our world at a pretty young age (I still have the poem I wrote in the seventh grade about the fallacy of the the American dream). I remember wishing sometimes that I just didn't know as much as I did. That I could just ignorantly go about my business without any understanding of how my actions affected the world around me and the other people that call that same world home. That some of the magic could be just that, magical, and not laden with half-truths and illusions.

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping for the kids. We're only getting them one toy and one experience (horseback riding with Mommy for Elsa and rock climbing with Daddy for Ashagre) each, but they really need clothes so we decided to take care of that too. Both kids are growing so rapidly right now that many of their clothes no longer fit. Ashagre's pajama bottoms literally have been pajama capris for months now and pajama shirts nicely show off his mid-riff. I went to the outlet mall and got some really great deals on clothes made in sweatshops in countries much like the country my children called home a mere eleven months ago. I came home with everything on my list crossed off and a pit in my stomach.

Jump to tonight. Another set of boxes arrives from loving relatives far away. It's full of Christmas presents. I open the boxes and ask Ashagre to help me put the presents under the tree. At first he simply just starts filling his arms with presents and heading toward the living room, but then he pauses and asks, "Who's this one for?" I find the tag, and, sure enough, its for him. His eyes light up and he does a little happy dance. He eagerly begins reaching into the box to gather more presents. Once they're all unpacked he begins rummaging under the - until this point - pretty much ignored Christmas tree. "Elsa, Mommy, Elsa, Ashagre!" He reads off the names one by one, asking for help from time to time.

As I sit and watch him my heart warms and the pit in my stomach starts to dissolve just a little. Yes, it is stuff. Stuff possibly made by little boys just like him in Cambodia or China or maybe India. But its not just about the stuff either. Its also about him. Its about the wonder and the magic. He scrambles to his feet and asks to set the fireplace grate aside so Abagena can have easy access to our living room on Christmas night. I wonder for a moment where he learned that Abagena comes down the chimney and then I smile and tell him that its a little early to be moving the fire grate, but that we can be sure to do it on Christmas Eve.

A friend I've made since becoming Elsa and Ashagre's mommy recently commented on one of my blog posts, "When we allow our kids to be our teachers, we get a whole lot of good." Yes, I'm a hypocrite, and I'm also Ashagre's Momma. I'm not sure yet in which order.

Cuddling in close to stay warm as we ride on the Holly Trolly and enjoy
the over-the-top Christmas light display in Oxnard's historic district.

My Name Elsa. I Born in E-T-OPIA.

On Wednesday last week Elsa had to lead a center in class. What this means is that she was responsible for teaching five of her classmates something - anything she chose - for 25 minutes. She had to do it two times, back to back. At the end of her lesson, her classmates were to critique her effectiveness and she was also supposed to grade herself.

When the assignment floated across my email a quick rush of dread washed over me. This is a very challenging assignment for any first grader, for many adults for that matter, let alone a first grader that has only even been exposed to the English language for 10 months and struggles a little with peer interactions. It's not that I thought she couldn't do it; its just that I was worried that it might prove to be too much to ask of her and that she would end up disappointed in the whole situation and herself.

We talked about it soon after the assignment was given. Elsa knew almost immediately what she wanted to teach. "White one. Like this (arms gesturing frantically around her head). Over there (pointing to where she thought her white Ethiopian scarf was and then quickly scanning the room when she didn't see it)." I understood immediately, and thought she had a great idea. I noted her suggestion and then forgot about the whole thing for a while, dreading, just a little bit, the thought of trying to figure out a way to help her get from the cryptic phrases she used above to let me know that she wanted to teach her friends how to wear a scarf on their heads like people do in Ethiopia to a coherent 25 minute presentation with a beginning, middle, and end (one of the grading metrics).

Two weeks before the presentation was due we went to the fabric store and bought several yards of white, gauzy fabric that we intended to turn into scarves for her classmates to practice with and take home with them. The weekend before it was due we finally sat down to put a presentation together and practice. By the time we sat down on Sunday afternoon on my bed with her dirty scarf and her E is For Ethiopia book, I had been losing sleep over the presentation for several days. I still didn't exactly know how to structure the presentation so that she wouldn't have to talk for a full 25 minutes straight yet provide enough structure that the kids would stay engaged. Elsa wasn't worried about it all.

We started from the beginning. This, in and of itself, might have proved to be a challenge since one of the skills Elsa has yet to learn is sequencing. How could she possibly put together a presentation with a beginning, middle and end if she didn't understand how to sequence things? We started out simple.

Elsa (upon listening to my suggestion for an opening): "My name is Elsa. I born in E-T-OPIA."

Me: Good! Do you know what the word born means?

Elsa: "Uh..." (confused look on her face)

Me: "It means that you came out of your Ethiopian Mommy's tummy as a little baby in Ethiopia."

Elsa: "Oh! My name Elsa. I born in E-T-OPIA. I little baby in E-T-OPIA."

Me: "Today I'm going to teach you how to wear a scarf on your head like people do in Ethiopia."

Elsa: "Today I teach you scarf...on head...in E-T-OPIA!" "Like this (throwing her scarf on her head and quickly and deftly tying it perfectly on her head)."

Me: "Whoa! Wait a minute. Do you think your friends will be able to do it fast like you? Let's break it down a little bit what's the first thing you did?"

Elsa: "Like this! (madly tying the scarf on her head again.)."

Me: "Ok. Let's take it step by step. The first thing you did was put your scarf on your head, right?"

Elsa: "First, scarf on head. Like this!"

And so it went until we had a simple, step-by-step demonstration on how to tie a scarf on your head. It was really fun to work with her. She caught on to the process so quickly and was determined to get it just right. It didn't hurt that she has an amazing memory and had the entire presentation down within three or four practices.

We spent probably 45 minutes on Sunday working on the presentation. We spent another 15-20 minutes practicing on Monday. On Tuesday we didn't do it at all because we were busy riding the Holly Trolly, drinking hot chocolate, and checking out the Christmas lights out in the historic district of Oxnard. When I'd think of it on the ride to school, we'd discuss the finer points of teaching. "Elsa, what can you do if your friends aren't listening to you when you are doing your presentation?" "You need to listen me!!!" she shouted back at me in her best bossy voice. "Hmm, that might work. What does Franny do when your class isn't listening? "One, two, three, eyes on me." "Yeah, that would be a better way to get your friends to listen."

When Wednesday rolled around, she was SO excited to give her presentation. She was even more excited that I would be going with her as support. I had come to terms with the fact that we had done our best to prepare and that almost anything was a possibility. 

The kids's school requires four hours of parent volunteerism in the classroom a week. Since both Brent and I work and can't be in the classroom, we do our best to fulfill our obligation to the school in other ways. I have always lessened my guilt about the fact that we can't spend time in the classroom with the thought that it would likely be harder for our kids to have us there this year than not since they we are all still attaching to each other and just the presence of Brent and me in many situations makes it a lot harder for the kids to keep it together. Wednesday pretty much discredited that line of reasoning all together.

Elsa and I checked in in the morning and set up her center. As class started she found her spot on the carpet and began the day's activities. She was attentive and engaged and not nearly as squirmy as some of her classmates. She didn't appear to be anxious at all. As the other parents volunteering that day joined their kids on the carpet I hung back at the tables. I couldn't join Elsa and the other kids on the carpet yet, as I was doing my best to choke back tears of pride as I watched Elsa so comfortable and together at school.

When the presentation rolled around, Elsa was phenomenal. She used the "One, two, three, eyes on me" phrase to keep the other student's attention. She paused between each step to help her friends figure it out before moving on. When the head wrapping finished early, she shared some pictures of Ethiopia from her E is for Ethiopia book and then showed her friends how you can also use the scarf to carry a baby or wrap up to stay warm. You could see the pride on her face as she shared such an important piece of herself with her classmates. I'm not sure who was more proud - Elsa or her momma.

For your viewing pleasure, Elsa's presentation during one of our practice rounds on the very first Sunday: