Lovin' My Kiddos

On this Mother's Day weekend my heart is bursting with love for Elsa and Ashagre.  As our 3 month family anniversary sits on the horizon, I feel like we've started to really find our groove (I can't wait to see how things feel at 6 months or 1 year).  A & E continue to open up, grow, and share more of themselves with us and it feels SO good.

I am also learning that as an adoptive momma Mother's Day is overshadowed by a bittersweet sense of gratefulness for the kids' first moms.  This weekend I hold these two women close to my heart.  I truly wish that they were standing in my shoes basking in the radiance of two amazing smiles - even if it meant that I couldn't be.

Skoool

Somehow our lives have really just gained their own momentum lately and I haven't been really good about keeping up here on the blog.

The kids started school last week and are doing wonderfully.  I went back to work full time today.  I was really nervous about the transition - you know, the kind of nervous where you lay awake at night thinking about all kinds of horrible scenarios.  However, I seemed to have missed out on a lot of sleep for nothing.

We found a great private preschool/kindergarten a mile or so from my work.  The kids will go there for the end of this school year through the summer.  Since it's in Oxnard, it is a very diverse school with both teachers and students of all colors.  Currently both Ashagre and Elsa are in a preschool class together, but everyone's goal is to move Elsa into the kindergarten class soon.  What's great about the school is they rotate the kids around throughout the day quite a bit anyway, so they know everyone and get comfortable with each classroom pretty quickly.  This sounds like it might be scary and disorienting, but all the teachers know all the kids' names and are very warm and nurturing.  It seems to actually work pretty well.  Ashagre and Elsa spent time in several classrooms with Brent and I present over the past few weeks and they seem pretty comfortable with most of the teachers.

Like pretty much everything else that's been thrown at them in the past 3 months, Elsa and Ashagre have, thus far, taken on school like champs. I think they actually appreciate the weekly routine and the new stimulation and challenge.  While we do hear baca school or no school in the morning, they are all smiles and excitement when I pick them up.  They love telling me about their day and are always excited to take home their work to share with Daddy.  According to their teachers, both kids are making huge progress each day.  They are making friends, participating in the class activities, and starting to show their teachers that they really aren't the shy, quiet kids they pretended to be the first few days.  They are also quickly starting to understand the concept of the weekend.

I did have to advocate for them a bit in the beginning.  The director wanted to put them in a classroom with a new teacher.  I think her heart was in the right place, but it wasn't a good fit at all.  She was thinking the kids would benefit from the smaller class size and the highly educated new teacher.  However, the other kids in the class were quite a bit younger and had very little school experience.  Despite her education, their teacher just seemed to be doing damage control most of the day - asking one little girl to keep her pants on, making sure two little boys didn't pummel each other or otherwise get into trouble, comforting others that were weeping because they missed their mommy and daddy.  The room felt chaotic, and I didn't feel like Ashagre and Elsa, who have already attended school in Ethiopia, had much to learn from there peers in this classroom.

Fortunately, the director was able to work with me and the kids are now in a great classroom.  They seem to be falling right into the pre-established routine.  On top of that, the kindergarten teacher is wonderful and is really excited to have Elsa in her class once she makes the transition.

For now, I have worked it out where I go into work early and work on my off Friday (I used to have every other Friday off) in order to get off at 2:30 to pick the kids up.  Since I am already at work, Brent gets the kids ready and takes them to school in the morning before he heads to work.  Just after one day back at work I can tell it is going to be hard to be full time Water Conservation Coordinator and full time mommy.  There is just so much that needs my attention and I can already feel myself being pulled in many different directions.  For now we're just going to give it a shot and see how it all works out.  We'll readjust if necessary.

(Almost) Wordless

After a shower recently I found the kids enjoying the morning sun and catching up on some reading.

Simple Amharic for Adoptive Parents.

Ethiopia Culture Smart!: The Essential Guide to Customs
and Culture. 

Hair Success!

I'll be totally honest here.  When I set out to detangle Ashagre's hair for the first time tonight I had already written the title of this post in my head - Hair: FAIL.

Ashagre's hair, when stretched, is now probably about two inches long.  I have been feeling guilty about how tight his little coils have gotten for over a week.  Each individual little coil was starting to feel like a hard little ball on his head.  I knew it needed to be detangled, but I really wanted to keep pretending his hair was too short and avoid it.  The past few days though the guilt became too much, and when we wrapped up dinner early with enough time for an early bath I knew I needed to bite the bullet and go for it.

Photographic proof of how bad his hair had gotten.  See all
the little clumped coils close to his scalp?   Notice the outer
layer of fuzzy ends?  Bad mommy.

We made a deal with him before he even got in the bath that he could watch "TV" (something streamed on our computer off of Netflix - he chose Cat in the Hat) if he took a fast bath and then let mommy play with his hair.  He agreed and was SUPER cooperative - a big difference from the little boy of a few months ago that was scared into flight (and fight) mode by any new activity involving his body.

After his bath, lotion, and PJ's I added copious amounts of coconut oil to his hair and went to work, first with my fingers and then with our shiny new pink Tangle Teaser comb.  His hair really wasn't in as bad of shape as I thought it was, but it definitely needed the attention.  We only had a very small handful of "Ow's" during the hour and a half session and the result was wonderful.  His detangled hair was so soft.  I think he was proud of it because he kept petting it and told me he liked it as I gave him his good night hug.

Knowing how soft his hair can be when it is detangled will keep me motivated to keep it up.  That and the fact that it really wasn't that big of a deal.

Elsa's hair is still short enough that I can maintain it daily with my fingers, but I don't think it will be too long until I am working on her's too.  Since I decided to blog about hair tonight I will throw it out there that my co-worker's sister who is African American complimented how nice her hair was and how good of a job I was doing at keeping it moisturized.  That's a huge compliment for this straight-haired momma.  The same woman also reassured me that there is an entire cadre of women available to help me learn how to braid when her hair gets a bit longer.  That produced a huge sigh of relief.

First Easter

The kids' first Easter was certainly a huge success.  We started trying to explain the holiday to them earlier in the week.  They made a couple of Easter-related crafts at school and I bought some books to show them the Easter Bunny, eggs, and egg hunts.  Then packages started arriving from the relatives and the whole thing got a little more exciting.  By Saturday when we finally had a chance to dye eggs they seemed to understand the basic idea and were pretty excited to see what the Easter Bunny did with their eggs the next morning.

Brent and I got up at 5:00 AM to hide the eggs and set their Easter baskets outside their bedroom door. Brent quickly sent me back to bed as he was certain my horrendous cough would wake up Ashagre and Elsa.  The kids usually wake up at 6:30, but can start to stir earlier.  This will probably be the last Easter that they sleep in.  I heard them discussing the finer points on what goes in the recycling and what goes in the garbage (yes, they are our kids now) around 7:45 and poked my head in their room around 8:00.

Ashagre spotted the Easter baskets outside their open door first.  He pointed, asking "Mindendow? Daddy mail?"  I told him that I wasn't sure what they were and they he should go check them out.  Both kids pounced on their baskets instantly, going straight for the new sets of legos.  A few minutes later, Elsa raised her arms above her head like long bunny ears, hopped around the room, asking, "Mommy?  Eggs?"  You could see that the whole Easter experience clicked for her.  The Easter Bunny had brought them baskets full of presents and wasn't he supposed to hide their eggs too?

It was drizzling outside so we spent a lazy morning in our PJ's building the kids' new lego sets and working on their new puzzles.  After breakfast, the kids decided they wanted to dress up, and Elsa put on a new dress she had gotten from my Aunt for Easter and Ashagre chose a new button up shirt we had been saving for a special day.  The rain stopped and we went outside to hunt for eggs.

Elsa got scared at first.  I think she thought the Easter Bunny might still be lurking around somewhere and she was pretty certain she didn't want to run into him.  Once we helped each kid find their first few eggs they were really in to it.  The Easter Bunny did a pretty good job of hiding the eggs so the hunt lasted a while, but they did find them all.

Later in the afternoon we went over to the neighbor's for another egg hunt and an BBQ.  It was a fun-filled day.  I am sure the kids will be looking forward to Easter when it comes around next year.

It's the Subtle Things

When Barack Obama was elected the first black President of the United States some said that we had finally entered a post-racial era in this country.  Many begged to differ.  They argued that while the overt racism that existed in our country a few decades ago was largely, but not totally, gone there was still a subtle yet strong current of racism alive and flowing throughout our communities.

As new parents of two black children, Brent and I are learning a little bit about what it means to be black in America as first hand as someone with white skin can - through the eyes of our children.

Today Brent took the kids to fly kites and play at the playground at one of our favorite parks up the road.  Kite flying was a bit of a disaster as the kids weren't their most patient; however, the trip was still a large success as the kids ventured over to the playground to play with some of the other kids.  This is a big deal in our family right now because both Ashagre and Elsa have thus far had a hard time interacting with their peers.

[An aside example: The other day, when I took the kids to visit their new school a little boy in the classroom asked me if Ashagre's name was Eh-Stop because whenever he asked him what his name was he said, "Eh-stop," (Ashagre's pronunciation for Stop) as in "stop talking to me."  Fortunately he didn't yell at the kid to go or go lay down (a command for the dogs that has been generalized) as he has done to other kids in past interactions.]

Back to the playground.  So, this particular playground has sand for the playing surface.  When they began playing at the playground, Brent explained to the kids that it was fine if they carried the sand around or dug in the sand, but they weren't allowed to throw the sand.  Both kids understood and agreed.  As Ashagre engaged in a game of transporting sand around the playground with 5 or 6 other kids, things started to get a little chaotic.  Sand started flying.  Ashagre, however, were NOT throwing sand.  Brent was watching.

Another adult addressed the group of kids saying, "Ok everyone, this is getting out of hand.  We don't throw sand.  It's dangerous.  It could get in someone's eyes."  Of course, this was a good message for all of the kids to hear.  However, as the lecture when on, she stopped addressing the group and zeroed in on Ashagre.  Her eyes no longer addressed the group; they were fixed on our son, as if he was the worst (and only?) offender.

It took a minute for Brent to realize what was happening and yet another moment to deduce why it might be happening.  When it clicked, he was furious and unsure of what to do.  In the end, he did the most important thing.  He reassured Ashagre that he was ok.  When Ashagre looked to him with a puzzled look on his face, his dad let him know that it was ok and that he knew that he had not been throwing sand as he had promised.

But should he have done more?  Should he have confronted the woman?  Most likely she would not consider herself a racist.  I'm sure she isn't a racist in the most overt sense of the word.  I'm sure she would have been shocked to hear someone suggest that she had (unconsciously?) singled out the only black boy in the group for a large portion of her lecture.  How could the conversation been constructed so as not to put her on the defensive right away and possibly allow her a chance to safely reflect on her behavior?  By not starting that conversation, are we perpetuating the subtle yet prevalent racism that exists in our community, in our country, today?

Readers, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.  I'm sure this won't be the last time we encounter this type of situation and we want to do what's best for our kids and the community they're growing up in.

You Can Take the Boy Out of Sidama

But you can't take the Sidama out of the boy.

Ashagre loves to garden.  He is deft with a hoe and will weed for hours.  He loves to water the plants with our little metal watering can.  He recognized the corn plants at the nursery and demanded that we buy and plant some.  He can't wait for his corn to grow big so he can eat it.  The other day he asked if his corn would be big when he woke up if he went to sleep.  When reading our E is for Ethiopia book (H is for House, a hut very much like the ones found throughout Sidama), we talk about his home in Sidama and the corn that grew near his hut.  Alone time for Ashagre is spent outside picking oranges, watering plants, watching the chickens, and gathering eggs.  If you are quiet, you can sneak a peek as he putters around the backyard; he is peaceful.

Ashagre's relatives and neighbors in Sidama were farmers.  I am so happy to be able to encourage this connection to his life back in Ethiopia.