New Photos of Asegre!

So there has been absolutely no new news on the adoption front lately.  I have become pretty neurotic about checking my email - hoping for a court date and/or pictures of the kids receiving their welcome bags.  Today was the same as any other - no such luck.

I have also been neurotically checking our agency's Snapfish account in the off chance that some parent snapped a few pictures of Asegre while they were in Ethiopia (there is very little chance for photos of Elsa because her orphanage is very private about the kids living there, so we aren't expecting many pictures of her).  Last night there was a new album with 349 photos in it - I checked EVERY photo TWICE - and there was nothing of Asegre.  I went to bed pretty bummed out.

But today after work there was another new album.  Brent and I instantly started scanning the 100+ photos, a little worried that maybe we wouldn't recognize him (we only have one photo of him).  We sort of didn't.  We saw a little boy that might be him, but couldn't tell because he wasn't smiling.  We skipped to the next picture and it was obvious it was him.  His smile changes his whole face - it softens it and makes his eyes sparkle.  So, we have two new pictures of our little boy.  He looks good.  He seems to be filling out and looks a little older.  He also seems to have some buddies at the orphanage.  In the next few weeks I hope to have more as more parents return from Ethiopia.  Sometimes its the little things that can turn a rough day around (Side note: RIP Sid the chicken.  You were a brave, adventurous gal and we'll miss you).

To Do

So, I have mentioned that I have been a bit depressed lately with the lack of any news on our adoption and a lack of things to do to keep the adoption moving forward. Depression, especially as it relates to the adoption process, is a funny thing because one of the best things you can do to alleviate it is to stay busy; however, when you are feeling depressed it is really hard to motivate to do anything – creating a self-perpetuating cycle of sorts. I have been having a pretty hard time doing anything other than what is required of me and sleeping lately.

In attempt to give myself some accountability and motivate myself to do things to help pass time while we wait to find out when our court date will be…and then to wait for our court date to arrive…and then to wait for our embassy appointment so we can finally bring our kids home, I am posting a To Do list on this blog. On this list are things I can (and should) do before our kids come home so that I can be a better parent once they finally arrive. While not directly related to speeding the process along, at least these things are related to the kids and/or the adoption. I am sure that I cannot concentrate on or motivate to do much of anything that is not adoption-related – it is a daily battle for me at work right now (fortunately work is pretty busy, so I don’t have much choice but to trudge along and get things done).

My To Do List:

• Sew Asegre’s and Elsa’s heavy babies
• Sew Asegre and Elsa silk pillowcases (reduces damage to kinky hair)
• Finish decorating the kids’ room
• Read adoption books (listed in case you are interested in the world of adoption reading)
1. The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family – Karyn Purvis
2. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew – Sherrie Eldridge
3. Raising Adopted Children: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent – Lois Ruskai Melina (In Progress)
4. Are Those Kids Yours? American Families with Children Adopted from Other Countries – Cheri Register (In Progress)
5. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents – Deborah D. Gray
6. Attachment Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care For Children – Daniel A. Hughes
7. Making Sense of Adoption: A Parent’s Guide – Lois Ruskai Melina
• Finish adoption training
• Research hair care products/methods
• Learn Amharic for adoptive families
• Come up with questions for the kids’ caretakers 
• Consider answers to common Ethiopian court questions
• Research additional adoption grant funding sources
• Figure out and organize a fundraiser for AAI
• Plan and plant a winter vegetable garden (gotta love living in southern California!)

This weekend includes an “off Friday” for me – working for the City I work longer days and then, as a result, get every other Friday off (not a furlough). Brent will be out of town through Monday night for the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival in San Francisco (I can’t go because I can’t take Monday off). It should be a perfect opportunity to practice motivating to get things done on the above list and keeping a positive perspective on this whole process. Luckily it seems there is plenty for me to do. Feel free to check in on me and see how its going – your prying just might help keep me on track.

Exploring Ethiopia

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. There is no new news to report – still just waiting for a court date – and I have to admit that I have been feeling a bit depressed (just minor though). I am not the most patient person, and I am especially bad about waiting for something when I feel like there is nothing I can do to work toward getting whatever I am waiting for done faster. I am trying to stay busy to keep from getting too bummed out. There is definitely plenty to do.

Anyway, while we wait we have been trying to figure out what type of traveling we would like to do in Ethiopia during each of our two trips, so I thought I would share a bit about our forming plans. We feel very strongly that we need to explore Ethiopia some before we bring the kids home. It will help us have a better understanding of who they are and where they came from. Plus, we will be flying half way around the world twice and we can’t pass up the opportunity to take a look around Ethiopia after such a long flight.

The tough thing is balancing our need/want to travel in Ethiopia with our strong desire to spend as much time as possible with our kids. I have been speaking with our agency’s social worker to try and figure out what is recommended in terms of the amount of contact we have with the kids, especially during the first trip, where we will have to say goodbye and come back to the States for a few months. She told me that since they are under 7, we should limit our contact to a few short visits (a few hours) over a few days. At their developmental stage, if they become too attached to us, they will have a hard time coping with us leaving when we have to go home and may even feel abandoned (again) – even if the situation is explained clearly to them. So, we are thinking that we will do most of our traveling during the first trip so we can jump in and be parents on the second trip (when we won’t be abandoning them, but instead taking them home).

Recently we asked my mom to join us on the first trip. She has been hinting for a while that she would really like to see where the kids are from, and there is no way we could deny her or our kids that opportunity. We are very excited to have her join us in Ethiopia!

Ethiopia is a gorgeous country with a long, rich history. It is currently vying with Kenya for the title of the birth place of civilization. I know it is not on the top of most peoples’ list of future travel destinations, but it really should be. There is A LOT to see and it is a safe, inexpensive country to get around. The tourist trail is definitely not well established in Ethiopia, and amenities can be a bit hard to come by outside of Addis Ababa, but the sights seem very much worth it (and Brent and I don’t place too much value on amenities anyway). If there is any sort of traditional tourist route, it follows a circuit to the north of Addis Ababa and includes:

• the palm fringed resort town of Bahir Dar on the shores of Lake Tana with its centuries-old island monasteries,
• Gonder with extensive ruins of 17th century castles, 
• trekking in the wildlife-packed highlands of the Simien Mountains National Park,
• the ancient city of Askum with pre-Christian tombs buried underground under 1800 year old stelae,
• and the Country’s crown historical attraction: Lalibela, which features 11 rock-hewn churches from the 12th and 13th centuries.

We would love to see all of these places and originally put together an itinerary that included a large majority of them; however, we have now learned quite about traveling in the Sidama region of southern Ethiopia, where Asegre is from, and have shifted our priorities to really learning as much as we can about our kids’ place of origin. So, instead, we have put together an itinerary that focuses primarily on the Sidama Zone and Addis Ababa (where Elsa is from), with a night or two in Lalibela thrown in there because we absolutely can’t miss it.

We haven’t exactly nailed down what we will do when (first vs. second trip, in what order etc.), but these are the things we would like to do.

• Awasa is both the capital of the Southern Nations, Nationalities and Peoples’ region and the Sidama Zone. It lies on the edge of Lake Awasa, one of Ethiopia’s Rift Valley Lakes. It doesn’t actually sound like there is much to do there, except stroll near the lake and visit the fish market, but it’s location makes it a nice logical stop for a night as we venture south of Addis.
• The Aregash Lodge is an eco-tourist “resort” located very near where Asegre grew up (as far as we can tell from our study of maps of the region) in Yirga Alem. Tourists stay in gorgeous traditional huts that have been outfitted to be comfortable by western standards. The resort is situated among local villages and visitors can tour the countryside and learn how the Sidama people live.
• Just south of the town of Dila (about an hour south of the Aregash Lodge) are two of southern Ethiopia’s most important stelae fields – Tutu Fella and Tututi. The large grave stones are intricately carved. This will probably be a day trip from the Aregash Lodge.
• Horse trekking with the Dodola Eco-tourism Tour Guide Association outside of Bale National Park. Bale NP is northeast of where Asegre grew up. It is known for its wildlife more than any other park in Ethiopia. The horse trekking trips can be 3 or more days long. Basically, you hire horses and a guide and ride from hut to hut along a circuit in forested highlands. There is no way that I can do this experience justice trying to describe it. Check out the Association’s slideshow here.
• Sites of Addis Ababa, including the National Museum (home to Lucy, the “missing link”), the Natural History Museum (supposedly one of the best in Africa), the Merkato (a HUGE market where you can buy anything from trinkets to guns to camels), and some sights related to Elsa’s origins. We will also be able to pick up souvenirs in Addis and go to a cultural dinner show. Of course, the most important visits will be with our kids.
• Lalibela. Check out these pictures and you’ll see why we can’t miss it. The intricate churches were literally carved out of the ground. We’ll probably just grab a quick flight out of Addis and stay for a night or two.

So, that’s about it (this post is certainly long enough). We’ll keep you posted as our plans take shape. We are SO excited to go to Ethiopia – hence the difficulty in being patient while waiting for our court date.

Stuff

Ok, so I feel uneasy posting this here, but many of you have asked what we need for the kids, and the fact is that Brent and I are on a rapid path toward first time parenthood and are quickly realizing that we are going to have to grow our collection of stuff to accommodate our adorable kiddos.  Not to say that kids need stuff to be happy, but there are some things that will make their lives more comfortable and, of course, will be fun to have.

So, I am writing this post to share what we need (or would like) as we get ready for the kids’ homecoming.  I am DEFINITELY NOT creating this post to guilt you into purchasing anything for Asegre and Elsa.  I am just putting it on the blog because several people have asked and many of those people have access to the blog.  Please only purchase something for the kids if you wish to do so – your love and support of our family is the most important thing you can provide to all of us. 

To make things easier, I hope, I created a “wish list” on amazon.com.  You can access it HERE.  Note that we can add comments by the items.  I have tried to make clear what items are a high priority – in terms of need.  Of course, these are the more practical, less fun items.  You can also access the wish list directly through amazon.com’s website – it is under my name (Dakota Corey).

We are VERY open to used items and/or hand-me-downs; please do not feel bashful about a used gift.

There are 4 categories of things that I did not add to the registry, but that we would very much appreciate to receive:

• Clothes

• Books (minus some adoption and race-specific books listed on the amazon wish list)

• Children’s DVDs: Apparently Asegre loves cartoons, but kid movies/shows would be great too.  We don’t have a TV, but we do have a computer that plays DVDs.  We don’t want to let the kids watch DVDs very often, but have been told by MANY parents that both the kids and us will appreciate the down time once and a while.

• Children’s music

We would be happy to receive any of these items.  From what I can tell by their weights and heights, both of the kids are currently a size 5T or 5 right now.  They will likely grow very quickly once they come home – this is typical of internationally adopted children.

Honestly, as first time parents, we are also very open to suggestions/ideas from people that have parented 5 year olds before. 

A note about toys: The kids have a high chance of being behind developmentally on many different levels (emotionally & physically – size, motor skills).  This is also very common in internationally adopted children.  Certain types of play will help them catch up, and some toys encourage beneficial play more than others.  The kids will benefit from active play (balance, fine and gross motor skills), imaginative play (playing house, dress up, imitating grown up activities, etc.), and play that is stimulating to the senses (think water, sand, taste, art projects, different textures, etc.).  Toys that encourage these types of play will help them develop to their full potential.

A note about marketing: Brent and I are going to try (we know it’s likely a losing battle) to not inundate our children with characters developed mainly as a marketing mechanism targeted at kids (Spiderman, Toy Story, Dora, Bob the Builder, Barbie, etc….).  If you could help us out by trying to purchase more generic toys and clothes that don’t feature these characters we would really appreciate it.  (No judgment toward anyone that doesn’t mind these types of toys and clothes for their kids – it’s just our goal for right now.)

Again, Brent and I would like to reiterate that this is not a solicitation.  We are just putting the information out there for those that have been wanting it.

Sidama

The other day I stumbled across a blog of an adoptive mom, Carey, that lives in the L.A. area somewhere.  She just brought home twin toddler girls from Ethiopia in June or July that are from the same part of Ethiopia as Asegre - Sidama.  Before she picked up her girls she visited Sidama, and she included some great pictures on her blog from her trip.  Brent and I were also thinking about trying to see this region of the country, but were having a hard time finding much specific information on it so I emailed her to see what she could share and hit a gold mine!  I am going to share some info. here with you on Sidama that I learned from a blog she wrote for her adoption agency, but if you want to see some gorgeous pictures of the area check out these three posts on her adoption blog: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

The Sidama Zone is in the Southern Nations, Nationalities and Peoples' Region (SNNPR) of Ethiopia (in red on the map below).  

The map below shows the SNNPR.  The Sidama Zone is the light green protruding area on the right hand side of the map.  Awasa (or Awassa or Hawassa)  is both the capital of the SNNPR and Sidama.

Asegre is from the Dale Woreda, which is a smaller area within Sidama.  If you click on the map above, you can find the Dale Woreda near the center of the Sidama Zone.  Dale is located in the Great Rift Valley and bordered by Lake Abaya, one of several lakes strung along the rift valley.  The elevation of Dale ranges from 3,600 feet to 9,600 feet above sea level.  Ethiopia in general has quite high elevations, and annual average temperatures across much of the country are actually quite similar to those found in Ventura (however they have a much more significant rainy season).  Eighty-one percent of the land in the Dale Woreda is arable or cultivable and the large majority of the residents are farmers.  Twenty-eight percent of all of Ethiopia's coffee output is from the Sidama Zone and the Dale Woreda includes 57 coffee pulpers.  Much of the coffee is sold to Starbucks, which does not provide very fair prices for the product.  The people of Sidama also raise small herds of cattle.

The estimated population of Dale is 441,263 (2005).  The Sidama people, Asegre's people, make up 91% of the population, and Sidamo (or Sidamenga) - Asegre's language - is spoken by 95% of the inhabitants.  A large portion of the people in Dale identify as Protestants (58%), while traditional animist religions are practiced by 15% of the people.  There are also Eastern Orthodox Christians and Muslims in Dale.  Twenty-two percent of the people in the Dale Woreda have access to drinkable water and only 8% of the inhabitants of  the entire Sidama Zone have access to electricity.  Sixty-eight percent of eligible children in the Sidama Zone are enrolled in elementary school and 18% in secondary schools.

So that's what I've got for a geography lesson for today.  I used to hate geography of the kind I just dumped on to this blog - facts and percentages - but now that it describes my son's first home it means so much more.  Brent and I are now even more excited to visit this part of Ethiopia and now get to go equipped with recommendations of a great driver/guide and a great lodge to stay in near Asegre's first home (check out the pictures on Carey's blog if you haven't yet - the lodge is gorgeous).

I'll leave you with this link.  It will take you to a webpage about Sidama, with an online catalog with tons of information on (and pictures of) the area.

Adoption is Complicated

I have so many thoughts running around in my head after reading this post that I really can't even begin to write about it.  It is written by Melissa.  She was adopted from Korea as a baby and raised by a loving family.  As an adult she chose to search for her biological parents in Korea.  Not only did she find them, but she also learned that she really hadn't ever been abandoned - it was more complicated than that.  She is a great writer and a great thinker on all things adoption and I have already learned so much from reading her blog.  She offers a great, if not difficult to read sometimes as an adoptive parent, from the perspective of an adult adoptee.

The post I linked to above caused quite a discussion online (read the comments below the post) - so much so that she wrote another post to address some of the issues raised.  Check that post out too.

These are some of the things that keep me up at night, and will likely keep me up nights for many years to come.  Adoption is complicated, and its our job (Brent and me) to do the best we can to understand it from as many angles as possible so that we can help Elsa and Asegre be at peace with the fact that we live in a far from perfect world with far from perfect options for many of children and families.

National Security

How many of you have written a check to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security?  Among other things, this is one of the experiences that I will get to claim thanks to our adoption.  Apparently, they found our check to be free of weapons of mass destruction and evil-doer intentions because they cashed it and sent us an appointment to be fingerprinted (for the 3rd time since we started the adoption process) for our "Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative" application.

On Tuesday morning, Brent called me post-fingerprinting with a few warnings (my appointment was one hour after his).

Brent: So, the national security level was heightened from yellow to orange this morning.  I brought my coffee into the fingerprinting office.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT bring a coffee with you when you go to be fingerprinted.  You'll certainly cause a national emergency.

He continues: Ya, I had to remove my coffee immediately.  I'm now on their list.  I'm number 3.  Right under Osama Bin Laden and Ralph Nader.  Oh, and FORGET about bringing your cell phone.  I can't tell you what they'll do to you if you bring a cell phone with you.

He was on a role.

He chuckles: Have a nice day babe.  I love you!

Just a little U.S. national security humor from my favorite hubby in these days of intolerant, close-minded commentary regarding the rights, religious and otherwise, of our country's Muslim citizens.  I sure hope our country can remain true to (and enhance) the freedoms it claims to protect and respect better than any other country in the world as I bring my Ethiopian children here to call it home.