"I wanna have friends that I can trust, that love me for the man I’ve become not the man I was. I wanna have friends that will let me be all alone when being alone is all that I need. I wanna fit in to the perfect space, feel natural and safe in a volatile place."

- The Avett Brothers

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

More Shorts

Day Two after the big snow adventure and all is well with the world (Wait! Am I jinxing things by sending this out to the universe via the interwebs?). Day One was a little rough. The kids were certainly a bit off and at each other's throats more than usual. Our more easily dysregulated kiddo was struggling, BUT, really, Day One was pretty darn smooth overall, especially compared to the fall outs we've experienced after past big adventures and routine-disruptors.

So, yeah, life is pretty good around these parts these days.

Today (Another Gorgeous Day in SoCal)
Sunny and a pleasant low 70's. I got off work early and had a good 45 minutes home alone to expel the stresses of work, the fast pace of our adventurous weekend and the ensuing day back, and settle in to our cozy (as long as you don't include any measure of cleanliness in your definition of cozy) home. I spent the time in our garden, harvesting fresh greens for the night's dinner. Seriously, what's better than harvesting fresh organically grown salad fixings to feed your family in the middle of February?

A Little Later at Dinner
Little man casually announces that he bought a pickle today after school at the Pickle Wednesdays fundraiser with his own money. After discussing how yummy his pickle was I asked for a bit of clarification, "You mean Sierra (babysitter in the mornings and Wednesdays after school) gave you a dollar to buy a pickle?" "No, I pay with mine money." "You mean Sierra gave you a dollar and you took it up to the pickle stand and paid for your own pickle?" "No mom. I pay with mine money. Money in pig."

The kids are pretty much rolling in dough. Well-meaning relatives spoil them regularly with cash (yet another reason why they love mail), which we promptly order them to stuff in their piggy banks and ignore. Maybe I shouldn't admit it, but, for the past year, I have absolutely relished in the fact that I have a 6 and 7 year old that really have no concept of the power of money and the associated consumerist thirst for all things purchasable. They know what money is for and something you have to work hard for, and they know that they can spend their money on something they really want, but we've also encouraged them to think carefully about what they want to spend their money on because once it's spent, its gone. Frankly, I think the entire concept is a little overwhelming, and, while they express wants from time to time, when we offer to take them to the store to spend their money they always back down and their stash continues to grow.

When I was in charge of the after school pick-up I usually tried to scrounge around the house for $2 to buy each kid a popsicle on Popsicle Thursdays (the older classes at the kids' school sell pickles and popsicles to raise money for their school trips later in the year). I often forgot and would usually find myself in a discussion with Ashagre on why I didn't always have a dollar ready and available for him to buy a popsicle every Thursday. Now in charge of pick-up, Brent has taken a different approach. He's been telling Ashagre that if he wants a pickle or a popsicle he can use his own money to buy one.

Apparently this morning Ashagre took his dad's advice and realized it was Pickle Wednesday (also known around these parts as Whacky Wednesday and Choice Day and No PE Today Day). He took it upon himself to fish a dollar out of his bank and shove it in his pocket to purchase his treasured pickle after school. He did this all by himself without even asking for help, and then casually announced his accomplishment at dinner. Little man seems to be finding some confidence in his inborn ingenuity. Makes his momma proud. Now if we could only figure out how much he paid for that pickle...the school would make sure to give him correct change if he brought in a $10 or a $20, right? (Since Ashagre announced his accomplishment today we've taught him how to figure out how much each bill he has is worth. He has another dollar tucked safely away in his backpack for Popsicle Thursdays tomorrow).



Slightly Later at Dinner
Elsa announces that she wants to be a dentist/doctor when she grows up. She then changes her mind to just a doctor. It's the first time she's ever expressed a desire to be something when she grows up. We talk about the fact that she'll have to work hard in school in order to be a doctor and she says that she knows that already. Her world is becoming full of possibilities and I have no doubt that she'll be a doctor if she wants to be.


Last Saturday Night, A Few Glasses of Wine In
The kids are tucked quietly in their bunk beds and sound asleep after a hard day's play in the snow. Brent, finally given the chance after many months of sleep cut short, passed out before the kids even went to bed and is sleeping soundly in the king adjacent to the kids' bunk bed at my friend Claire's cabin. The rest of the (adult) boys are huddled around a game of dominoes on the floor while their wives and girlfriends catch up over (many) glasses of wine at the table. My friend Ashley brings up the kids, and our last visit to her house in September. It hadn't gone so well. In fact, after that trip we found our current therapist. The kids were really out of control and our more attachment challenged kiddo was spiraling downward. "It's remarkable. I mean, really. They've grown so much. You all have." She goes on to explain the changes she's seeing in our little family of four. "Their trust has grown so much. It's subtle, but its not. Like when they're talking to us (other adults at the cabin) they're continuously checking in with you two, with their eyes. They trust you to guide them and help them navigate things. Really, Dakota, its night and day."

I push back my tears as I weakly thank her for taking the time to point this out. It means more than I can express to hear her words.


Continuously For the Past Several Weeks, Especially Right Before We Head Out the Door For School
Elsa and Ashagre are currently obsessed with this K'Naan song:



Ashagre wants to grow his dreadlocks as long as the man playing soccer solo about half-way through the video and both kids erupt into the chorus regularly throughout the day.

Each time I hear them sing it, especially when Elsa belts it out in her most passionate singing voice I tear up. They've spontaneously sung it multiple times a day for many weeks now, but it still gets me every single time.

When I get older
I will be stronger.
They'll call me freedom
just like the waving flag.

You already are growing stronger my children. You already are, and so is your momma.


8 comments:

  1. What a great anthem they have chosen! And I love the story of the pickle purchase. Another children's story that writes itself!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whooo hoo! It's breathtakingly beautiful when they hit these emotional growth spurts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love reading this! Thank you so much for sharing so many details of the daily grind around your house. I find it immensely helpful and encouraging.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love.this.

    It gives me hope for our (very angry, very sad, very scared) boy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. First, I want to send my kids to A and E's school! Pickles and popsicles??? Second, hmmmm, obsessed with K'naan, nature or nurture -- check out http://besafish.blogspot.com/2011_06_01_archive.html. Third, based on your account of her baseball try-out, I think Elsa would make a very good doctor.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I loved seeing you all over the weekend and having the reference point of last September to note your growth as a family. Can't wait to see you all again! These updates are awesome. Enjoy the garden :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Did you know that that you can generate cash by locking special pages of your blog / website?
    All you need to do is to join AdscendMedia and use their Content Locking plugin.

    ReplyDelete